i guess i feel a little better today, but for the last three days, the littlest things have set me off into a whirlwind of crazy behavior. Endless tears, balling for hours, anger, sadness, and the worst physical pain. I just feel sick, drained, depressed, and the worst things is, I don't know what the reason is, cause it changes every day.
My actions are getting psycho, For example calling and emailing hot bobby like 2-3 times a day. This isn't like me, I have nevr acted this way before, I really feel like I'm not myself.,and it's almost like I don't have control over my emotions. No one is making me feel better, when all i want is a hug and for someone to tell me everything is going to be alright.
I was so upset last night, and feeling physically ill, that I had to masturbate like 4 times while i was sobbing to get the pain in my chest to go away so i could fall asleep. And had to force myself to think of lovely sarah mclauchlin lyrics so that my head didn't wander over crazy thoughts.
It really sucks to feel like I temporarily went crazy. I mean literally NOTHING could make me feel better.Could it be the fact this is the week before finals week of a 20 credit quarter? Could it be, that my body is just now getting used to a new birthcontrol since it is the second month i have taken it, and i was four days into my second pack, so my body could be adjusting after not having it for a week? Or could it be that my poor little brain is out of seratonin because of all the ecstasy I did when I turned 18, which equals about oh um 50 pills over a year.
well the good news is, i'm feeling a lot more like myself today.
I'm just terrified that I will feel that crappy again. And the worst part is, the people who should care the most are not doing enough to console me. And honestly that adds to the problem. Ah well fuck it, the only person I can depend on fully is me.
My actions are getting psycho, For example calling and emailing hot bobby like 2-3 times a day. This isn't like me, I have nevr acted this way before, I really feel like I'm not myself.,and it's almost like I don't have control over my emotions. No one is making me feel better, when all i want is a hug and for someone to tell me everything is going to be alright.
I was so upset last night, and feeling physically ill, that I had to masturbate like 4 times while i was sobbing to get the pain in my chest to go away so i could fall asleep. And had to force myself to think of lovely sarah mclauchlin lyrics so that my head didn't wander over crazy thoughts.
It really sucks to feel like I temporarily went crazy. I mean literally NOTHING could make me feel better.Could it be the fact this is the week before finals week of a 20 credit quarter? Could it be, that my body is just now getting used to a new birthcontrol since it is the second month i have taken it, and i was four days into my second pack, so my body could be adjusting after not having it for a week? Or could it be that my poor little brain is out of seratonin because of all the ecstasy I did when I turned 18, which equals about oh um 50 pills over a year.
well the good news is, i'm feeling a lot more like myself today.
I'm just terrified that I will feel that crappy again. And the worst part is, the people who should care the most are not doing enough to console me. And honestly that adds to the problem. Ah well fuck it, the only person I can depend on fully is me.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I can tell you that it is not the ecstacy use you have to worry about- if that is any consolation. Seratonin receptors are back to their original levels within 2-4 weeks of use. [http://www.dancesafe.org] And it is not school- stress isn't healthy but it certainly is manageable.
I'm soo sorry you are feeling this way and I would offer you all the *hugs* in the world if it would help. Depression sucks...