violet

Yes, I have given up sex since February... I am refusing to even get off solo as well.... On almost 4 months of no sex and one month of no "me" time.. It is really difficult, but incredibly empowering to just stop. My senses are heightened so much, the littlest thing sends me on a high. I think getting off on my own all the time was kind of de-sensitizing me... Imagine how NOT de-sensitized you are when you don't ever get off... Everything is sensitizing!

I have started to appreciate the little things so much more, like hugs, and grabs and light touching and kissing. Everything just feels so amazing!

I am not having sex until I meet someone who is worthy of it.

So what is worthy of it mean exactly?

Well a guy must be emotionally available... open... not all closed off
Someone who is not selfish
but most importantly someone who thinks I am amazing
And is serious about getting to know me, and isn't trying to date nine other women at the same time.
I think that another huge factor is that we just have to connect, on a level that will create this amazing kind of intimacy I am looking for. I just can't get it through anything casual. It's not about owning someone or being tied down, it's just about something more than having yet another superficial relationship based on not much more than carnal lust and friendship.

I Love myself enough to not want to be with someone who doesn't think I am worth something more than fucking and friendship

My friends ask, so why not masturbate? Well because I don't want to be owned by my sexual drive. I dont want to find a replacement for real intimacy, and the same way I could have that casual reliever with a guy, I can use masturbation as way to deal with things if they get bad enough, but so far I haven't given in. And I have to say it has been really difficult, especially when the opportunity has presented itself many times...and each time I have ot say, nope. Sorry. You aren't worthy..... Do something spectacular to wow me with your worthiness and we'll talk.

So far no one has really impressed me. So the ache for hot sweaty intimacy with an actual feeling behind it, continues, but my heart feels better knowing I am giving to myself the kind of respect that I want someone to give me. At moments its disheartening, and I feel like i want to give up and call one of the many men who would gladly service me within minutes of a phone call.

But I am staying strong... this is the hardest diet I have ever been on but I think the benefits will be worth the wait.