Everyone I know up here is either married with kids, deployed, working on the north slope or in my roommate's case - injured for six months.
Grrrr. After dropping off my cool friend who will be gone for the next six weeks I was determined to find new friends to hang out with so I posted another ad, this time in men seeking women. I think the most obnoxious part of the whole ad, as you guys will recognize, is that it is all true
Seriously; why cant there just be a SG Land where everyone from here lives in one place and not scattered across the globe. Sexy, nerdy, artistic girls can frolic freely while I stand due vigilance protecting them from old white men in suits.
My awesome ad.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Sexiest, wittiest, coolest, most awesome guy EVER! - 28 (S Anch)
I'm going to spend this ad talking about ME. After that you can talk all you want and I'll pretend to listen.
I dont drive a Subaru. I dont wear flip flops. I dont think being shoulder to shoulder with another man while standing in a river is a good time. I know the difference between "your" and "you're". I dont wear a baseball hat crooked. I dont even own a baseball hat. I know that your shoes are suppose to match your socks which are suppose to match your belt but I stopped caring a long time ago. I dont think having a full beard and mustache means you are 'manly'. I think it just means you are socially inept and/or too lazy to shave. I dont drink alcohol. I'll toke from time to time.
If the sun is shining I like being outside and hiking. If it is cold and raining I like being inside. I like having my girl within arms reach. I like cuddling. I am not going to cry when we break up. I am not going to ask for permission to kiss you. I'm not going to ask you 'is this ok?' or 'was it good for you?'
I will protect you in the event of a zombie apocalypse, alien attack or robot uprising, but I expect you to wear a fur bikini while I do so. I don't have anything against kids but they do take up way too much time and I don't want to watch Nickelodeon while waiting for you to put them to bed. I listen to awesome music. I'll make you laugh. I will definitely make fun of you.
If you are not offended by now then chances are we will get along. I did my best to try to weed out the weak. I like girls who are confident, independent and enjoy having their panties torn off by my teeth. Truthfully; I like hanging out with girls way more then guys so I am more then happy just being friends. But if you are good looking I WILL flirt with you and if the chemistry is right..... expect your hair to be pulled =)
Your turn.
would've been so much better with you helping me out though...
And if I win the lotto, I'll be on your doorstep in 37 days ♥