4 months ago today my life was irreversably changed. 1 month ago today i felt more alone than i ever have... until today. it was my dads birthday on february 16th. he would have been 61. the healthiest, kindest, most unselfish human being on the planet, taken. from me. from the world. he lived and loved life to the fullest. he was my inspiration. the man i always wanted to be. and as i slowly realize, the man i will never see again.
all my life he greeted me with a great big smile and a hug to match. all my life there was never one good bye. we'd say good bye leaving the house. then he'd follow me out the car. "take care kiddo", waving and smiling, acting as if he'd follow you home on foot to make sure you arrived ok. on october 27th, i didn't get one goodbye. not one wave. not one hug. from the person that i loved more than any other. my dad. he was so much to so many. to me, he was everything.
now i'm stuck here in this reality. alone. empty. poisoned. i want to scrape my insides out. i want to feel nothing. everything i've ever loved completely has hurt me so deep. i don't know what to do.
i wish i could freeze myself in this moment. in my favorite PJs with the sewn-on boots. happy. innocent. protected. feeling loved unconditionally. most definitely not heart broken. oblivious to the cruel fait life had in store for us.
one day soon i will make you proud of me. for now i am just going to curl up in this ball and try and forget.
i love you dad. i miss you.
"take care kiddo"
all my life he greeted me with a great big smile and a hug to match. all my life there was never one good bye. we'd say good bye leaving the house. then he'd follow me out the car. "take care kiddo", waving and smiling, acting as if he'd follow you home on foot to make sure you arrived ok. on october 27th, i didn't get one goodbye. not one wave. not one hug. from the person that i loved more than any other. my dad. he was so much to so many. to me, he was everything.
now i'm stuck here in this reality. alone. empty. poisoned. i want to scrape my insides out. i want to feel nothing. everything i've ever loved completely has hurt me so deep. i don't know what to do.
i wish i could freeze myself in this moment. in my favorite PJs with the sewn-on boots. happy. innocent. protected. feeling loved unconditionally. most definitely not heart broken. oblivious to the cruel fait life had in store for us.
one day soon i will make you proud of me. for now i am just going to curl up in this ball and try and forget.
i love you dad. i miss you.
"take care kiddo"
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you are in my thoughts.