violently

My stomach hurts. I feel an anxiety attack coming on and I am scared to leave my house today.

Gotta chill on the booze for awhile. The sad part is I have not even been drinking that much. Like, a a few beers here, 2 drinks there, etc. Last Friday was the night I really went all out, and I had maybe 6 drinks total for the whole night. This sucks.

I really need to work out today, but I am still exhausted. I also have to go to therapy at 2, and I don't want to leave the house. I am feeling anxious and indecisive about everything, even eating. I miss my dude and hope I get to see him this weekend, but I can't think about that or I will probably get more anxious.

Here is what will make me happy:

-My credit increase application granted
-A magically clean room
-No more headache and stomachache
-To magically lose 10 pounds during the next 24 hours
-To hear from Lamotta
-$$ to go buy a new bra and something girly because I deserve to feel girly sometimes damnit.
-To live in Seattle with Sinatras_doll and have a sweet bachelorette pad and PWN that town to shit.
-Or to live within driving distance of Sinatras_doll so we could hang out on a regular basis.
-To have my shithead puppy Mallory back, even just for a day.
-A backrub or a hug and a kiss on the forehead from someone.
-Steak. Which, by the way, Garbage was so kind enough to take me to Woodranch BBQ last night. Fucking awesome company as always. Dinner is on me next time fo sho \m/

I had intense crazy dreams last night and this morning, but I was relatively awake through all of them because I was quite aware of my tossing and turning. Something about gangsters and shooting and SUVS and a parking garage. And getting murdered by a dumpster. Yup. That was an interesting one. Apparently I was getting into my car and I yelled "OH SNAP" at my friend while he was getting into his car, and then some gangbanger idiot was like WHAT? YOU THROWING SIGNS AT ME? WHAT?! And I tried to explain, but he would have nothing of it, and then his crew rolled up and everyone had guns and it turned into this massive shootout. I tried to run away but got hit by a 62 Lincoln and it threw me against the side of a dumpster and it was like I was watching myself die- I stood by the side and watched blood come out of my mouth while I was laying on the ground, and I watched myself write something about my sister on the cement with my blood. It was really freaking weird.

Oh and then Bill Cosby showed up and was chasing me through an elementary school, and I ended up at a chicken shack trying to call the police, but it turned out Bill Cosby was the police and I was fucked.

So yeah. The moral of this story is, I have issues. Thank you drive thru.

Tell me something you are happy about today, or something that makes you happy in general. I'll start.

Puppies and Brooke.

Now it's your turn.

Go on, don't be skeered.

It'll help make me happy too, so you're really doing both of us a favor.

kthx, fleece