violently

Bawling again. Karla calls me 50 times a day to bitch about her ex bf, and I don't want to hear it anymore since she won't listen to me and my problems.

I don't want to go out tonight, I don't want to get drunk in public, I don't want to be in any more pain than I already am, and I don't want to go out and meet guys.

I want to get shit drunk off Steel Reserve, or swallow a bunch of sleeping pills, pass out, and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. But Karla is already on her way over to drag me out and "be happy" and partake in the aforementioned public drinking and flirting.

And last but not least, I want someone to sleep next to. I want someone to hold me and let me cry on em till I fall asleep. I want to feel safe and loved and happy. I want to wake up warm and comforted and protected.

God, if you are testing me, I am failing you miserably, and dude I am totally sorry. If you could fix everything and make it better I would give you a cookie. In the meantime, try to take it easy on me, I never meant to be a bad person or anything. Give a kid a break please.

Sincerely,

Me