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violently

Los Angeles, Ca

Member Since 2003

Followers 192 Following 137

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Saturday May 14, 2005

May 14, 2005
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Day 13.

Today would have been our one year anniversary. I met him one year ago today and totally fell for him. Spent the whole weekend with him. First song we ever kissed (sober) to was GG Allin & the Jabbers. I wish it didn't hurt. I miss him so much. I woke up this morning having a sex dream about him...don't know if I should be happy or sad, but in the dream at least we were back together.

Yesterday I got a lot more work on my arm, and in the process of gritting my teeth while getting tattooed over my elbow a sense of calm came over me and I realized that Nick and I will get back together eventually. Or maybe it was the pain making me loopy. Whatever. But hopefully I can find a camera today to show you all because I am very please with my work and my artist is amazing. Also a true friend. I talked to him and his wife about Nick and they said they would speak to him, especially since he asked them to talk some sense into me? Huh? Whatever. They realize how much I love him and how many issues he has and how self destructive he is, and how he is throwing away a good thing. So I hope everything will turn out ok. In the meantime, my ink still hurts and that is very cathartic to me. I feel like I popped about 5 vicodin.

Brookie my love, (Sinatras_doll) my tattoo artist would not put your initials on my good luck elephant because he said it would negate the elephant and bring bad luck and we could end up mortal enemies. So when it heals, I will just draw your initials on there with a sharpie. And when I come to Seattle we will just get matching tattoos. smile

Last night after my session, I met up with Garbage for chili cheese fries and beer at what I am now convinced is a gay bar. He swears it's not, and I believe him, but I think that Friday nights are just homo central in that part of town. I wanted to go hit on the 2 decent looking girls there because god knows there were not going to get any action elsewhere.

Came home early and passed out, hoping to hear from Nick, but of course I didn't. I didn't really expect to anyway, but I am allowed to hope aren't I?

Today I am going to soak and shave off everything even though I have no reason to, visit Karla, dye my hair, put some extensions back in, and then dress up as a dominatrix for the party I am attending tonight. Pix of that as well if I can find a camera. *Crosses fingers*

Please continue praying for me, as I am praying for all of you, and I hope you have a lovely Saturday

Udate: I keep wanting to call him, but what good would it do? I don't know what to do or say. I just want to stop crying again, and I want him to call me or something today at least...I mean christ, he knows what day it is today, he knows how much it meant to me...frown
me1:
Thank you for accepting. I have read some of your posts and you seem quite interseting.

Hope uhave a kick ass time at the party tonight.

Thanks for the prayers, we can all use that. I will keep you in mine.
May 14, 2005
user304975207:
You're still in my thoughts. Still hoping things work out.

I want to see your ink!!!! Have fun at the party tonight. *HUGS*
May 14, 2005

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