violently

Friend flaked on me last night for her bf. Took more sleeping pills around 6, just woke up again. Horrible dreams about everything.

I miss him so fucking much and he just doesn't care. I wish he did, I wish he cared how much he was hurting me. I have not been able to stop crying since. I feel so sick and awful, I don't know what to do.

The last thing a friend told me yesterday was that he probably smashed the picture I gave him of us, and that he probably isn't thinking about me at all.

Update @ 11- Karla is coming over to take me out of food, I am getting a refill on my anxiety meds, and I hope I can remember that he will probably come back around in a couple weeks and that everything will be ok. I just have to give it time. I wish I could stop crying though, my eyes have swelled up to the size of golf balls. I hope I get my puppy back too. I am praying he decides to give her to me, because I think I would feel so much better if I had her to cuddle and play with. It wouldn't hurt so much when you have something that loves you unconditionally and cuddles you while you sleep.

If anyone wants to do me a favor and loan me a puppy or come over and cuddle with me and watch movies and let me cry all over them I will love you forever.