Not enough sleep.
I pace the dimly-lit space I call my home and feel my heart pump in time with the wicked base of slipknot. Waiting, waiting, wating...for what? For life. For love. For this stupid class to be over. For society not to be held back perpetually by the weakest links. For someone with compassion and decency to take charge and lead us to higher ground. For my blood to slowly drain from my body as I slip into cold nothingness.
My life is a holding pattern. Why am I trying to get an angel tattoed on my back? Because I feel like I could be so much more than this world will let me. Trapped in a society that won't even let us have sex while somewhere in the back of my mind a girl chants "fuck the pain away, fuck the pain away, fuck the pain away..." Servant to unknown assholes in the distance who know nothing of what I believe in or care about, to whom I am just another number, another body to throw in front of the bullets. Surrounded by people who simply don't have the capacity to understand me. Fuck, show up to class for 30 min.s just to ace a test and be on my way. Trapped in a cycle of earning and spending, consuming and wasting. Can't live without money. If I were pretty I would take the stage and dazzle. If I were patient I would write stories to shake the dust of ancient ideas loose from the souls of the masses. If I were just a little more violent and immoral I would take up arms and live life dangerously, robbing and pillaging. If I were a little less caught up in the internet I would find a quiet cabin or temple in the midst of a deep forest and live off the fruits of nature. Fuck society. Fuck all the politics and rules and nonsense. Trees and rocks and rivers give me peace. Watching things grow inspires me. Racing the wind under the light of the stars thrills me. I would have been a good wolf.
Even there is a fatal flaw. I couldn't live without love. Wherever I go, whatever I do, that need reaches up and smacks me in the face when I am not looking.
Fuck. I'm gonna go play video games. I wish I could sleep.
I pace the dimly-lit space I call my home and feel my heart pump in time with the wicked base of slipknot. Waiting, waiting, wating...for what? For life. For love. For this stupid class to be over. For society not to be held back perpetually by the weakest links. For someone with compassion and decency to take charge and lead us to higher ground. For my blood to slowly drain from my body as I slip into cold nothingness.
My life is a holding pattern. Why am I trying to get an angel tattoed on my back? Because I feel like I could be so much more than this world will let me. Trapped in a society that won't even let us have sex while somewhere in the back of my mind a girl chants "fuck the pain away, fuck the pain away, fuck the pain away..." Servant to unknown assholes in the distance who know nothing of what I believe in or care about, to whom I am just another number, another body to throw in front of the bullets. Surrounded by people who simply don't have the capacity to understand me. Fuck, show up to class for 30 min.s just to ace a test and be on my way. Trapped in a cycle of earning and spending, consuming and wasting. Can't live without money. If I were pretty I would take the stage and dazzle. If I were patient I would write stories to shake the dust of ancient ideas loose from the souls of the masses. If I were just a little more violent and immoral I would take up arms and live life dangerously, robbing and pillaging. If I were a little less caught up in the internet I would find a quiet cabin or temple in the midst of a deep forest and live off the fruits of nature. Fuck society. Fuck all the politics and rules and nonsense. Trees and rocks and rivers give me peace. Watching things grow inspires me. Racing the wind under the light of the stars thrills me. I would have been a good wolf.
Even there is a fatal flaw. I couldn't live without love. Wherever I go, whatever I do, that need reaches up and smacks me in the face when I am not looking.
Fuck. I'm gonna go play video games. I wish I could sleep.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
garnet:
:sigh: to be trapped in a mind that can do so much more than our bodies and our life time will let us... kind of makes you wonder "why?"
samanthakayne:
nothing quite like your own intellectual bondage now, is there, jack? 