violencejack

I've been listening to a lot of Hole.
"...Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to, go on, take everything, take everything, I dare you to..."
The freedom of internet music makes me happy.
I got "The Gateless Barrier" in the mail, but have not really had time to peruse it. I have homework which I keep procrastinating. Tomarrow begins the last week of school. I will be glad when it is over.
I made lasagne. It is full of spicy ground sausage and bits of spinach. I had a portobello mushroom in the fridge from forever ago, so I sliced it and used it as a garnish across the top. Good thing, too, since the tin foil I put over it stuck to the cheese wherever there was not a mushroom.
I talked to Melanie, my favorite bartender, for a while last night. She told me about her job and her child and the child's father, and her relationships. I'm always fascinated when people open up to me like that, sharing personal things that I don't know how I have earned the trust to hear. People are strange. Most people are afraid of me, but some just seem to know without me saying anything that I am safe and warm. I feel so different on the inside from what I look like on the outside. I look like a giant, maleveolent and brooding, but I feel like an elf, small and androgynous, childish, yet capable of the occasional timeless wisdom.
Yep. I am an oxymoron. I am not what I appear to be.
I guess, in the bigger picture, I am everything and nothing.
Remember, existence is futile. Each breath you take is irrational. No, insane. It takes a certain masochism to enjoy such a sick irony.
It's all about shoving our heads in the sand.

If none of this makes any sense, don't worry about it. I still love you. Honestly. All cynicism aside, I really do love you. It's the only thing I can do to make this place better. It's my way of breathing. It's my insanity.