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violencejack

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Member Since 2003

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Thursday Apr 22, 2004

Apr 22, 2004
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I wish I had fangs and claws and fur. I would prowl the jungle on all fours, pouncing on my victims and rending their flesh, then eating them raw. I would sit in my den, remorseless, licking the blood from my paws.

I hate this. I live in the freest society, yet still I live in a cage. I hate that I am foced to choose between being true to myself and being accepted. I can't be anything other than myself, so I can't be accepted. I hate prowling the outskirts and watching the rich, beautiful, and popular get things handed to them while I fight for my share. I do the same shit myself, kissing the ass of a pretty girl just so that maybe she will give me a piece of her time, when all I am doing is feeding into her perception of superiority. I am unsatisfied. I want. FUCK! And to think, this from an enlightened mind that knows the teachings of Buddha. To be desireless is bliss, but it means accepting the status quo and living with it.
Why can I not be president? Because I was not born into wealth, because I have not and will not go to college to study politics, and because my past is a cess-pool of wickedness. The world is full of ignorance that translates into blindness. I am not ashamed of myself, YOU are. YOU can't handle my version of truth.
For once, I feel homicidal rather than suicidal.
I think there is less than a handful of people in this world who love me. It's tragic that we can't be nicer to each other. All I can do is love you and hope that you follow my lead.
If only I could die on a cross for you. Maybe then you would listen. But, it's been done, and even if I could, would I have the strength to go through with it?
We are not supposed to be alone. We are supposed to take care of each other. We are supposed to love each other.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
clara:
He's 34, actually. I generally refer to myself as a girl.
Apr 22, 2004
samanthakayne:
one of the things desperately lacking in our 'modern' and 'free' society is a structure that makes it clear what expectations are and supports you in meeting them... i think men suffer particularly from this cruelty, as women have developed informal systems to try and fill the void.

dunno... go hunting, or get a tattoo, or break something, i guess... or just fuck someone through the floor - that's usually a good way to get your mind off this shit.
Apr 23, 2004

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