violencejack

I had a really great day with Amanda today. I brought her sushi and a fruit salad I had made with chardonnay. She was scared to eat the sushi, so I ate some first, and then she worked up the courage to eat it. She is a gemini, they are supposed to love new things, so I think challenging her a little did the trick.
I put my arms around her and squeezed her a little, not a boyfriend hug, but a hug. She said stop, but her words lacked any real conviction. When I walked her to her car I put my arm around her waist and she didn't really seem to mind at all.
I know she likes me. I can feel it in the way she talks to me and looks at me. I think her no touching policy is slowly crumbling.
Sometimes it is so very very hard not to wrap her up in my arms and hug her the way I want to, a real boyfriend hug. One step at a time though.
I'm going to have to talk to her on monday. "Amanda, you say you don't want me to touch you, but your words lack conviction. Some part of you wants me to touch you. I can feel it in your words and in your heart. If you tell me no, I will continue to respect that, but don't say no just to say it. Say it and mean it, or, if you mean maybe, or yes even, then give me that chance. Be honest with yourself. I know you feel something for me. Let me love you just a little."
Yeah, I know, I sound like a complete dork, and I should feel like a chode, but I can't. Loving her is the most amazingly good feeling. I hope we make it past this just friends thing. LOL, as if we have ever been 'just' friends. She has always known that I adore her. It's just a matter of inspiring those same feelings in her.
Kinda suck if thing's never work out. I have no idea where I will ever find a girl I am as totally swept away by as her.
I am so utterly doomed.