I fucking HATE life.
Asked this mousy librarian type girl out today, told me she was busy. She's tall, pretty, very thin, like a runway model sans makeup, ya know? And utterly silent and mousey, the quiet girl that everyone just ignores or walks over, the kind that may well be a fascinating person if you could get inside her defenses and understand her.
I didn't ignore her, I didn't walk on her, I asked her out, because I am a pathetic desperate fucktard and she's the only one in my class that makes any sense, and maybe, just maybe, if I can find the heart of her and build her up until she can speak above a whisper, then maybe she could stand up to me and be equal. That would be sweet.
I wish I could hate women. Sometimes I do for a while, I blame my misery and loneliness and self-loathing on them, because it's all their fault. If they loved me I wouldn't be a lonely pathetic loser.
Or maybe it's God. Maybe he is just torturing me, because he can. Maybe when he created everyone in pairs, and every man had a woman, maybe he just said "fuck that fucktard laughingboy, he's a fucking loser, he won't live long enough to need a woman." And I got left out.
Then again, maybe it's all my fault. Maybe if I had enough self esteem to go to a club and ask women out, not like, one or two, but like every single one, hundreds or even thousands, then I would find one that made sense, one that actually liked me as much as I liked her.
But I don't have that kind of strength, I can only get rejected a few times before I just feel pathetic and have to call it a night. And then I go back to my room and sit in my space and do what makes me happy, and wish and pray for a woman. Or forget they exist.
Yep, I am a dork. I am 25 years old, and I watch the cartoon network. I love computer games, I play Everquest for hours and days, and I can go for weeks without leaving the house. My social skills are limited, I can't dance, though after a few shots I will try. I'm just smart enough to be weird. I say things and do things that people just don't understand, because they don't think the way I do, or see the world as I do, but I'm not some super genius, I just don't have to study nearly as hard as most people.
I'm 6'5" with an average build, but not muscular. If I went to the gym I might be attractive to that kind of girl who likes big guys who go to the gym, but I hate going to the gym.
So, wtf do I have to do to make girls like me? Yeah. I know. I can't make girls like me. My only hope is to be myself and pray to god some woman actually finds this fucking mess that is me somehow attractive. I am a snowball in hell, and I'm sweating like a motherfucker.
I fucking hate this. Why are things this way?
One day I'm going to turn into a lonely, bitter, woman hating old man. I hope I die before that.
Asked this mousy librarian type girl out today, told me she was busy. She's tall, pretty, very thin, like a runway model sans makeup, ya know? And utterly silent and mousey, the quiet girl that everyone just ignores or walks over, the kind that may well be a fascinating person if you could get inside her defenses and understand her.
I didn't ignore her, I didn't walk on her, I asked her out, because I am a pathetic desperate fucktard and she's the only one in my class that makes any sense, and maybe, just maybe, if I can find the heart of her and build her up until she can speak above a whisper, then maybe she could stand up to me and be equal. That would be sweet.
I wish I could hate women. Sometimes I do for a while, I blame my misery and loneliness and self-loathing on them, because it's all their fault. If they loved me I wouldn't be a lonely pathetic loser.
Or maybe it's God. Maybe he is just torturing me, because he can. Maybe when he created everyone in pairs, and every man had a woman, maybe he just said "fuck that fucktard laughingboy, he's a fucking loser, he won't live long enough to need a woman." And I got left out.
Then again, maybe it's all my fault. Maybe if I had enough self esteem to go to a club and ask women out, not like, one or two, but like every single one, hundreds or even thousands, then I would find one that made sense, one that actually liked me as much as I liked her.
But I don't have that kind of strength, I can only get rejected a few times before I just feel pathetic and have to call it a night. And then I go back to my room and sit in my space and do what makes me happy, and wish and pray for a woman. Or forget they exist.
Yep, I am a dork. I am 25 years old, and I watch the cartoon network. I love computer games, I play Everquest for hours and days, and I can go for weeks without leaving the house. My social skills are limited, I can't dance, though after a few shots I will try. I'm just smart enough to be weird. I say things and do things that people just don't understand, because they don't think the way I do, or see the world as I do, but I'm not some super genius, I just don't have to study nearly as hard as most people.
I'm 6'5" with an average build, but not muscular. If I went to the gym I might be attractive to that kind of girl who likes big guys who go to the gym, but I hate going to the gym.
So, wtf do I have to do to make girls like me? Yeah. I know. I can't make girls like me. My only hope is to be myself and pray to god some woman actually finds this fucking mess that is me somehow attractive. I am a snowball in hell, and I'm sweating like a motherfucker.
I fucking hate this. Why are things this way?
One day I'm going to turn into a lonely, bitter, woman hating old man. I hope I die before that.
