vinylgypsy

"son..you've got a way to fall.."

i'm sure anyone reading this right now know that life can have a pretty sick way of keeping you on your toes. there are times in my life where the old saying "when it rains, it pours" rings true in every way. there are these unexpected dark clouds that just grow and spread over you and makes you afraid of what could be next.

before i begin let me say that yes, things could be worse but that way of thinking doesn't make what is currently going on any less painful.

this could easily be a very long and personal story but instead let me just get this out there to get it out there. my younger cousin of twenty years old was hit by a car that his so called "wife" was driving. he has suffered brain damage which at the time i have no idea just how severe it is but he is in a coma right now and sedated almost beyond our realm.
theres a lot more detail and history to get into but i'm not really up to getting into all of that right now.

the irony is there are a lot of other fucked up things going on in the family right now which has caused a bit of a seperation and angst between a lot of us yet there was most of us gathered at the hospital. one person being a cousin i haven't really been close to for a while because of past bullshit. here we were catching up and talking about all sorts of things like adults, forgetting about the bullshit from years ago. here was so many members of my family gathered after being driven a part..one thing i kept saying was this was indeed a sick way of getting us to all come together.

the last time my family lost someone was my uncle ten or so years ago, and wouldn't you know it..the hospital my cousin is at now clinging to life is also the place my uncle passed away. many haven't been there since. it just all feels like a bad joke. this whole day hasn't felt real..i felt myself wanting to break down turning corners in that hot and quiet hallway but i didn't want to be the one to make others lose whatever defenses they had built to be there. seeing his sister was hard..she's still going through the teenager bullshit and has her drugged out dad in a near by hospital with an irregular heartbeat and a baby sister recovering from being born with meth in her veins just to name a few. i can't begin to imagine what she is going through right now and i wish i could take away all the pains we have but i know i can't.

all i can do is hope..but i know theres a lot more shit on the way.

keep fighting man..i'll be here when you come back.

thanks to those who read this far..peace.