Something like that
As a child the only time I spent with my father was doing work out in the hot sun. I despise that I was never taken to a sports game or fishing or the typical father-son activities. My hatred of not having that turned on my father and I began to resent a man who just wanted the best for me. My mother wanted me to be a beloved young man with the moral teachings of Christ. Unfortunately for her this direct action led to my doubt and then dismissal of a God and of my mothers good intentions. I turned to cinema, the art of talking pictures inside a rectangular box as my only pleasure and escape for a long time. I vicariously lived through action heroes, misfits, outcasts, loners, villains and everything in between. Years passed of the same routine. The Back breaking work with my father whom I only began to see as a man who I worked for, a foreman or supervisor than a dad and my mothers blind devotion to a radical sect of Christianity that punished free thought and ideals, this was my life until I was 18.
In school, I used my quick wit and self-indulging humor to connect to people, even though I am afraid to get close to people, I never learned how, I still dont. I often speak words of encouragement to people, telling them dreams are not impossible and have the guts to take the dive. Its funny, I dont even believe in myself, is that a practice what you preach kinda thing? I want to be a filmmaker, tell stories so I can connect with people, inspired and entertain them yet I am likely to be another nobody among the sea of no ones.
And what about love? Ive given into temptation and lust so much I lost count. Its not that I conscious seek it out, it just happens to me. When I try to love, I try too hard. I push too hard, too soon and I scared them away, they brand me a stalker, a creep, a freak, Im sure a few of you could be witness to that, its pathetic. Its my worse flaw but please from the bottom of my heart know I mention it with best intentions to be a good man, someone you could grow with. Yet I fucked it all up by invading the bubble, even after your warning. I am sorry. Good intentions? My father reminds me that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, does Hell exist and what about God? I like to believe there is something beyond this reality, I am not some angry atheist that thinks religion and the existence of God is stupid and trite but I seriously question it. If God is all powerful and controls the universe than why does he allow child to be slaughter? People to die from horrible diseases and leave us in the dark, maybe thats faith, maybe its just bullshit.
When you get older the more things you have to leave behind, thats life. What I see from television I have nothing but when I see the world as a whole I have so much, maybe I should give some back? It's hard for me to judge people when I havent been in there shoes and it's hard for them... not to judge me when they read these words. Easier to blame myself for everything.
Yeah, something like that.
As a child the only time I spent with my father was doing work out in the hot sun. I despise that I was never taken to a sports game or fishing or the typical father-son activities. My hatred of not having that turned on my father and I began to resent a man who just wanted the best for me. My mother wanted me to be a beloved young man with the moral teachings of Christ. Unfortunately for her this direct action led to my doubt and then dismissal of a God and of my mothers good intentions. I turned to cinema, the art of talking pictures inside a rectangular box as my only pleasure and escape for a long time. I vicariously lived through action heroes, misfits, outcasts, loners, villains and everything in between. Years passed of the same routine. The Back breaking work with my father whom I only began to see as a man who I worked for, a foreman or supervisor than a dad and my mothers blind devotion to a radical sect of Christianity that punished free thought and ideals, this was my life until I was 18.
In school, I used my quick wit and self-indulging humor to connect to people, even though I am afraid to get close to people, I never learned how, I still dont. I often speak words of encouragement to people, telling them dreams are not impossible and have the guts to take the dive. Its funny, I dont even believe in myself, is that a practice what you preach kinda thing? I want to be a filmmaker, tell stories so I can connect with people, inspired and entertain them yet I am likely to be another nobody among the sea of no ones.
And what about love? Ive given into temptation and lust so much I lost count. Its not that I conscious seek it out, it just happens to me. When I try to love, I try too hard. I push too hard, too soon and I scared them away, they brand me a stalker, a creep, a freak, Im sure a few of you could be witness to that, its pathetic. Its my worse flaw but please from the bottom of my heart know I mention it with best intentions to be a good man, someone you could grow with. Yet I fucked it all up by invading the bubble, even after your warning. I am sorry. Good intentions? My father reminds me that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, does Hell exist and what about God? I like to believe there is something beyond this reality, I am not some angry atheist that thinks religion and the existence of God is stupid and trite but I seriously question it. If God is all powerful and controls the universe than why does he allow child to be slaughter? People to die from horrible diseases and leave us in the dark, maybe thats faith, maybe its just bullshit.
When you get older the more things you have to leave behind, thats life. What I see from television I have nothing but when I see the world as a whole I have so much, maybe I should give some back? It's hard for me to judge people when I havent been in there shoes and it's hard for them... not to judge me when they read these words. Easier to blame myself for everything.
Yeah, something like that.