vide0dr0me

So i'm 25 now, 5 years to 30! So many ways I've changed but at times I have not changed at all, of course I've learned to adapt to situations but I feel like a true novice when it comes to the big stuff - I can't be the only one who has questioned his purpose, maybe I don't have one, just another face in an pacid sea of nobodies or maybe I will raise beyond the norm and fulfill my dreams.



Then



Now


The reason I'm being dismissive and somewhat sullen with this post is because one of my best childhood friends died, suicide by gunshot. His name was Ryan, he was a redneck in the truest form but he was strong, smart, had a personality that would light up a room, we grew apart over the past years, due to work, life and everything in between but we always got along great. I feel so worthless that I wasn't there for him more, the "why" has gone astray from me - He's gone and I am here and at the end of the day that's whats left. But goddamn will I miss him.


Love is a funny thing, I've had my head and heart wrapped around this girl - she's the complete package. She's so witty, smart, caring, sarcastic, full of life and utterly gorgeous, she doesn't even have to try she just is, she knows how I feel but I pushed too hard and blew that bridge, I mean we have a great friendship and I cherish it but I cannot help but think of what we could be. I've tried seeing others but they never compared and quite frankly were users and bitches. It's probably time to stop thinking that way and just be grateful she's in my life. Sometimes things are just perfect the way they already are.



It's time to leave behind the scars, failures, pain - I'm more confident with who I am now, I'm not perfect then again I would never want to be.


Love you all, hope to see y'all at HellCity in Columbus. As soon I get a better computer I'll be more active on SG.