vidalwolf

so yeah, here comes halloween and i am fucking terrified. i don't know what to do. it is my favorite holliday in the world but it was always me and dad and i don't have my dad to celebrate it with and i don't have anyone else i care about to celebrate with either. what i mean is that the people closest to me are gonna be home and not coming into the city cause most of them dislike the city and the only other person i would want to see on halloween doesn't want to see me i don't think. and i don't blame her. i really fucked her life up and i wish to god i could take it back. she told me that she forgave me but some damage is just too great. i don't think that she will let me back into her life and honestly i don't blame her. i just wish i could show her how much i have learned and how much i have changed. sounds like i am hard up over a lost love i know, but that really isn't the case. is she a lost love... yeah. but she was also my best friend and that is what i miss. so yeah, another halloween without her or anyone else i care about is a really scary prospect to me. maybe i will just stay in. i can't seem to do anything right these days anyway....