victorian

its 5:15 am, i am having one of those nights where i feel i am in touch with the universe, kind of like pihka s arctic bunny

unlike it, my zen comes in bursts and tidbits

i know im not alone here, ill put down everything i own to bet that there are others out there who have moments in their lives where they go all thundercat and have sight beyond sight

i just saw 28 days later

what a craphole of a movie, all it has is good lighting, everything else is a hodgepodge of crap

i dont know how much longer i am going to be awake, i just do not want to go to sleep, i know when i wake up i will be yet on another of the 33 steps of shaolin in my life

i get weird sixth sense feelings like this once in a while, it happens perhaps half a dozen times a year, i feel really weird like i can see beyond the horizon and i can feel time. i really cant explain it without sounding pretentious or narcissistic, i've had these days ever since i was a kid

sometimes however, this prognosticating flame, is a foreshadow to something horrible that will happen...... i have had things like that too

but i think that at 22 most of the worst things in my life have already happened

countrys gone, cultures gone, family half destroyed by american culture

i have nothing more to lose and nothing to fear, even death means nothing to me anymore, the maelstorm of darkness that destroyed my mental and physical health six months ago has finally passed,

i really liked the last samurai, not because of the stupid reasons, but because just like a character in the film, i wanted to end my life after twelve years of blind service and soul destroying discipline, but that is done now and is closed with pomp and ceremony of a passing era in japans history, my life as a slave is over, even though for all those years i thought that i was a righteous obediant son

the only righteousness i feel now, is towards my own personal flame or reason and leadership through example similar to my own personal heroes

my mind is complete, the restoration of the top physical shape that i was in before i nearly destoyed myself is in progress and all of my projects are moving forward as well

after i wake up i begin assemblage of everything ever drawn and imagineered for the Spitfire and the Dragon book/game, then comes blue print art for my buckos all over the north east to sink their little bunny creative inscisors in and change the world

with the taps of a keyboard and the swing of a brush

at seven i was a young kid growing up in ukraine, yet somehow i knew that at 17 i would be in america doing something. all of this was before the soviet union fell. before my father defected while risking his life and mine and my sisters and my moms

well i am here now only with the identity that i make for myself, and the path that i choose to live and die striding

and i my blind leap of faith now, is that my philosophy and art, will make someone out there move towards the same light that i follow, against the greed, the fear, the uncertainess, the alienation, and the schitzophrenic anxieties that the western industrial world bestowes upon the gears and spokes that make it run

its people

the changes will happen without terrorism, without revolution, without fervor, zeal, or mass destruction

all will move slow, with compassion and understanding, like time that turns like a great train, but is stopped by no one

i say we are all complete in ourselves

i say the best life is spent doing what u love weather it is playing videogames or performing heart surgery or loving more then one person of either gender

we have been gifed with writing so that we can unify the globe under one pen instead of one sword

i know i may not ever witness the changes that i want to implement on all levels of society but i will spend my life trying, i have nothing to hold me back

i think the gui of suicide girls still needs some work on it, but look around u and see how interconnected people can become and how free they are to find resons to stayhere and make the best of their lives

i dont mention this often, but it is incredible to be able to have friends over in the uk or la or finland i think this network is bringing everyone closer and showing how similar we all are, and how we really only want the best for ourselves, our families, our children, and most importantly one another

another aspect of society that this web group is changing is the unbalance of male to woman power in high positions of authority

i am neither a liberal nor a democrat, but just by the fact that there are men and women in the world, and they coexist in near equal proportions, the world should be governed by councils that reflect the population

however, what we can learn from our dying out wasp bretheren, is the high degree of public service that those wasps in the highest levels of our culture participate in

another one of my core beliefs is that if you can see slightly beyond what your friends can, help them. your gifts give you an obligation to share them with others

as the native americans say

the man who keeps another man down will never rise to his own greatness for he is there in the mud holding that man

i better stop, i think i've given enough underexplained ideas for all my friends to take apart one by one

i love all of u