Thursday Dec 02, 2010

0
FUCK.

I woke up sobbing, absolutely unable to breath and shaking immensely. I don't know how to handle that dream and I certainly don't know how to decipher it. All I know is since I had it 3 nights ago, I've been pretty wrecked ever since. Sleeping is NOT something I have been doing.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
When people I love pass, I am the one who remains strong for everyone else. When Tim died, I flew to South Dakota immediately to be with everyone for emotional support. I've been back on the anniversary of his death every year since. With Lauren, I'm trying to be as strong as humanly possible but I seriously can't. And honestly, I should shut up and be there for everyone else, ESPECIALLY Chelsea. She was there, she saw EVERYTHING. She was 3 feet behind Lauren when that Bentley took her and she is convinced she could have saved her, convinced she could have pulled her back. And I'm the one fucked?! I feel like I haven't even got a right to be.

It seems to be a day by day thing right now. I think I'm fine and then Intervention will come on tv or someone in my house brings home Cracker Barrel Cheddar. Or even worse, I see a photo of her and those damn blue eyes rip through me...



Anywho...um, thanks everyone. I'm trying.

By Thommy Panic while I was in Chicago:







Also, "Playhouse" has a release date. December 19, 4pm:







Thats all for now. Thanks again for the support. I'm mourning privately and have become a total recluse, stepping out only last night for my good buddies show at The Troubadour. It's weird, simple things now give me anxiety. Like crossing the street or seeing a Bentley...and being anywhere near Sunset Blvd is so fucking hard.

Love you guys

-V

VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
sharyn:
Well, I sort of think I thin you are rad! Keep it real, you're gorgeous! And thank you, that comment made my day! :-D xxx
vanessa:
Nuy one!!! wink

Everyone that's gotten so far loves it. (thank god)

And random, but I totally love your hair.

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