vervain______

it was quite a day. tired and strange is my motto, and yet the sleep...it needs to come but i keep myself from it. it is now past 1 in the morning. i wanted to call a friend but didn't. there is no privacy in this apartment. my cell phone is close to empty. charging it seems too much a bother, plus i pace when...
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what's to say? it seems i am lost for words. who knows? this might be a good thing.

have a kitchen to clean and a window to repair. rhode island is grey for its fifth day, it is trying. i lived on the west coast where it was grey for months at a time but the energy was different, cleaner and more positive, so it was easier to handle. r.i., the place i was born, the place i never thought i'd come back...
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my husband sucks. i guess that's why we're getting a divorce. my real mother's day gift is on thurs. this coming week, when i go to a divorce mediator. it is scary, as i have been a stay at home mom being supported by him since my son's birth. i will have to come up with a plan and i will do whatever it takes...
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last mother's day, i bought myself mother's day jewelry because i knew that was the only way i would get some and it was important to me, since it was the first mother's day i, myself, was a mother. so i have a little gold charm that says "mom" on it and i also bought myself small diamond earrings. this year is different. being a...
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eddie vedder.
oh yum.
i am 13 or 14
when the bloom first bloomed,
the hotness there.
just let me
say the right thing,
do the right thing,
and be loved.
i am
awkward
foolish
and
wrong.
not saying
the right thing.
not doing
the right thing.
all this
and more.
awake
from that
dream
to become or
remember
the woman
you are,
or
this...
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confirmed. now she is in the process of finding a certain service and making an appointment. i am disappointed, but i am also glad she is making the right choice for her and her soon to be husband. kids are tough and you need to really want them to be good parents and, even then, it is still hard sometimes (understatement).

big news. my sister thinks she is pregnant. she is a week late, but doesn't want kids. which would obviously mean an abortion. i told her i would be there any way i could, whatever she decides to do. i somehow doubt i will ever be an auntie in this life, however. kids just aren't in her plan.

looks like the baby is getting chocolate milk at bed time. shitski, did i overdo with the bag of chocolate chips. i have a gutache and i am hot with the sugar rush. nothing like slathering the insides with junk.
but why did i do it?
that fantasy about bathing in chocolate?
gone.

when the only thing i am looking foward to, is finding out who gets kicked off american idol, i know i'm in trouble. and so i am. that show seems to be the only bright spot in my day. hubby is home from work today and it has felt like salt in the wound or a pen to the eyeball. my rage seems to have...
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