vervain______

it was quite a day. tired and strange is my motto, and yet the sleep...it needs to come but i keep myself from it. it is now past 1 in the morning. i wanted to call a friend but didn't. there is no privacy in this apartment. my cell phone is close to empty. charging it seems too much a bother, plus i pace when i talk and i hate it when i have to be plugged into the wall in one spot. those i did call i only half listened to. odd day, odd feelings. my husband and i talked with a divorce mediator today and we decided to hire him, so we are going ahead with it. i told myself i wouldn't start with the self questioning. yet, here i am doing it. what an empty space the future is. but somewhere in the darkness, there is a hope of some kind.