vervain______

ayun,
this is when the questions start
in a darkened room
at the half hour mark
when he still hasn't fallen asleep
when he still hasn't
let go
of me.
my shrink said
i would have to put my
emotional baggage behind me
to do the right thing for my child
and
let him learn how
to go to sleep by himself.
she said
forget other cultures
this is the one he was
born into
and
she made it seem
clear
and easy
but
only part
of me
agreed.
i never went back to her.
i meant to
but some part of me
buried that appoinment,
locked it away.
it was ten days later
when i realized i missed it.
i found the card
while digging through
my purse at an atm.
in a darkened room,
i think about her
when i still can't sleep
and i try so hard not to move
i barely breathe.