vervain______

i am not so blind
to think the story
begins
and ends
with my own.
you have your own
version even if
you would never
tell me what it was.
after the arguement,
i am left alone
again.
none of this is
black and white
(it never has been)
or folded up
neatly
to tuck
away/ to hide.
it is ugly
and ongoing.
it doesn't stop
even when my words
end
(suprise).
you said
we should have seperated
a long time ago.
what does that
make our lives now?
we didn't.
we even
married each other
and
years accumulated
a child was born
and
we shouldn't be
together.....
but we are,
anyway
sharply aware of
our own disapointment
maybe
even our own part
in it,
(if we're lucky.)
here is our life,
this is
the beautiful
and innocent smile
of our son,
this is
the venom
and the fire
created and
recreated
daily.