venti_mistake

I've been awake for a while now.
I've made it through Batman Begins and Hell Boy. Now I'm working on Kill Bill pt1.

I'm tired but my mind is restless again. I can't concentrate enough to draw and I'm not really paying attention to the movies. I want tot fast forward past this part of my life, the part where my wheels are just spinning.

I watched my son sleep for a while. I thought of when my ex told me she was pregnant. She had these balloons and a "congratulations" banner put up. We were still in Spain, I had just gotten out of the navy, and I just got hired at the base sports bar as an assistant manager. I thought that was what the balloons were for. She said I was going to be a dad. That was the first time I cried in front of her.

The last time was when she told me she didn't love me anymore.

Funny how it takes forever to build up your happiness and just one second for it to come crashing down.

I know why I love ebing at the shop now. I'm a new face there still. It's still fresh to me. Think of the theme song to Cheers. It's the closest I can get to an escape right now.

The haircut, the stupid jokes; I guess I'm still running away from being me?

I need to work out again so this stupid shit doesn't fill my head anymore. I need a good physical outlet for this. Maybe I'll take up jogging again. I hate it, but at least I'll be moving physically, if not figuratively.

Man, I hate being up so early to think about all this.

ps. I'm okay.