Yet another Christmas down. My kids are finally knocked out. Everyone got what they wanted, even me. I wanted to get this day over with and now it is. My hair even seems to be growing faster!
Ha! Whatever.
My ex-mother in law called to wish me a late happy birthday and a merry christmas and pretty much told me that she didn't hate my guts. I have a feeling my ex had a little heart to heart with her family because she called me up with the premise of seeing how the kids were. The subject inevitably turned to the question of us getting back together and working things out.
Sorry, but no. I still love you and perhaps always will, but no. You will always be the mother of my children, still no. Find happiness on your own terms and without me in the picture. I've been your crutch and consolation prize for too long. I'm finally finding myself without you and I like what I'm discovering.
It broke my heart to hear her cry, even as she tried to hide it. This was her decision, not mine. She has to deal with the consequences of that now. Sad to discover that I'm actually better off without her. Don't get me wrong, I miss her at times, but those moments are coming fewer and further between. The mark of my wedding ring is finally fading. Maybe it's a sign.
I went to church. God and I still aren't on speaking terms. Maybe someday, I can forgive myself and swallow my pride and come back to him. I'm not holding my breath.
I love my kids, even if they bugged the shit out of me today. But hey, they're kids and they should be kids while they still can. Growing up will always suck ass. I see so much of myself in my son it scares me. I don't want him to make the same shitty mistakes that I did. At least he's better looking. My little girl just scares me period. I want to shelter her from the world and kill all the big bad wolves in her path, but I know that I can't. All I can do is be the best dad that I can and hope they do the right thing. Parenthood has to be the ultimate terror and joy and sorrow all rolled into one.
I'm a little tipsy and melancholy and pensive and I've listened to James Taylor and Fiona Apple a little more than I should. I think I'll lay by my cel phone and wait for a text or call from Ricearoni.
I truly hope everyone had a good holiday. Yup, Miss Sounintentional, I guess I am lame
But at least I'm good at it. 
Ha! Whatever.
My ex-mother in law called to wish me a late happy birthday and a merry christmas and pretty much told me that she didn't hate my guts. I have a feeling my ex had a little heart to heart with her family because she called me up with the premise of seeing how the kids were. The subject inevitably turned to the question of us getting back together and working things out.
Sorry, but no. I still love you and perhaps always will, but no. You will always be the mother of my children, still no. Find happiness on your own terms and without me in the picture. I've been your crutch and consolation prize for too long. I'm finally finding myself without you and I like what I'm discovering.
It broke my heart to hear her cry, even as she tried to hide it. This was her decision, not mine. She has to deal with the consequences of that now. Sad to discover that I'm actually better off without her. Don't get me wrong, I miss her at times, but those moments are coming fewer and further between. The mark of my wedding ring is finally fading. Maybe it's a sign.
I went to church. God and I still aren't on speaking terms. Maybe someday, I can forgive myself and swallow my pride and come back to him. I'm not holding my breath.
I love my kids, even if they bugged the shit out of me today. But hey, they're kids and they should be kids while they still can. Growing up will always suck ass. I see so much of myself in my son it scares me. I don't want him to make the same shitty mistakes that I did. At least he's better looking. My little girl just scares me period. I want to shelter her from the world and kill all the big bad wolves in her path, but I know that I can't. All I can do is be the best dad that I can and hope they do the right thing. Parenthood has to be the ultimate terror and joy and sorrow all rolled into one.
I'm a little tipsy and melancholy and pensive and I've listened to James Taylor and Fiona Apple a little more than I should. I think I'll lay by my cel phone and wait for a text or call from Ricearoni.
I truly hope everyone had a good holiday. Yup, Miss Sounintentional, I guess I am lame
But at least I'm good at it. VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
nexttuesday:
i gotta go to the doctor...but g'morning dear hope you have a spamdittleastic day! talk to you tonite i hope 
patchouli:
I am so proud of your strength and convictions. You are feeling so strong about what is healthy for you. *HUGS!! 