So it's my birthday this week, I'll be turning 26, and for the first time I'm really unhappy about it.
Aside from having to had cancel----postpone for now, my birthday trip to go kayaking with orcas, I maybe finally "becoming a woman" or maturing or what ever phrase you want to call it, but I'm noticing little baby signs of aging, and I'm really starting to freak out! I'm really not sure why it's hitting me now, in all honesty I'm still young, I don't think I have a friend under 30, and I don't think any of them are "old", but for some reason since it's me getting up there, I am! I will say it is really difficult though working in the industry I do and staying age positive, there are new 18 year olds every single day, with their perky little butts and their tight and fresh faces, it can feel like a competition to be the most youthful, the most fit, and really I suppose the most perfect. Not to mention, guys are mostly there for cute young girls/women, not mature ladies. To be honest, aside from the normal comparing I do staring at people online or at work that can make me a little discontented, I've been doing pretty fine until a couple weeks ago, I was walking home from the coffee shop, I had just gotten back from the beach so I was wearing a pair of little shorts and a big T shirt. As I was walking a pair of obese drunk ladies started cat calling me! hah I was not interested in engaging in that nonsense so I ignored them an kept walking ( I was far enough away that they could have assumed I didn't hear them). Well when I didn't respond to their strange caterwauls they started getting really mean and yelling things like " you ain't that hot, you dumb bitch!", "You've got cheese all up those legs", "girl whatever, you're all jiggly and gross!", and I was absolutely stunned!! Now I don't think I'm a giant marshmallow, and I really don't think kettle should be calling a tea cup black, and fat, but I'm not going to lie, first thing I did when I got home was run to the bathroom, turn on the death light (super bright right over head poorly designed "hate yourself" lighting) and spun and twisted in the mirror until sure enough, I saw cellulite, and I almost cried. Now I'm not saying that if you have cellulite you're gross, on the contrary, I know that most females regardless of age or fitness have cellulite, it's how our soft tissue is put together, and it's really not gross. But I've been a twig my whole life, only recently grew any kind of curve, and I've never ever ever seen a dimple on my ass before this day and now suddenly, almost like my body heard there was a birthday coming up and I was feeling a little self conscious, my butt and thighs are speckled with them and I've just realized I won't be cute and young forever, my looks(that I'm already not always confident in) are absolutely only going to decline, in fact, I'm going to get old ugly and droopy, I'll eventually loose the ability to do the things I love, and then I'll die. And I'm having an impossible time finding peace in that.
So that being said, I've got a lot on my mind to process as this new age rolls up! hah!
I really need to start looking at some of the older women in my life, who are absolutely gorgeous, strong, fit, and so graceful in their age and body and stop looking at the 18 year old's who are for some reason*cough*patriarchy?*cough* set on these pedestals. I mean honestly, what is good about being that young?? Except for the lack of join pain, your stupid, naive, mostly bad in bed, and so very inexperienced with life despite "knowing it all". I mean you haven't even touched on what adult life is yet, I mean really, you're just a n00b!
Easier said than done, but I'm going to try really hard to start changing my perspective (and maybe running up more stairs).
I've been talking very very briefly to an amazing woman named Darby in Norway? or Sweden? Some where magical like that, and she's rapidly approaching 40 and so excited about the journey of time she 's on, and she just exudes beauty. Those are definitely the women to start looking up to I think. And more importantly, I need to practice and set in my heart that our external beings really don't matter, as long as we have our health, and when we do, to be truly grateful for that and to not let myself be caught up in such petty and trivial matters like cellulite or wrinkles.
So, all of you non teenage women, how do you keep a positive light on growing up and treat yourself nicely? I want your little tricks and tips so I don't end up making myself crazy and filling up with botox and liposuction!! hah!
I have gotten a few messages asking, and since my birthday is rapidly approaching, for those of you who feel so inclined, here is a link to my amazon wishlist:
~*~VENOM'S WISHLIST~*~ CLICKY LINK
I've got a huge range of things on there, from socks and lingerie, dog toys, and a giant plush orca sleeping bag, to silversmithing tools, climbing and snorkel gear. There are even some items with a little buyer incentive gift ;P
ANY WAY! I'm not going to talk your ear off and leave you with no visual stimulation, so here are some pictures from what I've been up to lately!
This print is available at my etsy, Venomblackbird.etsy.com, 60% of the money you spend goes back to the wolf rescue at Project Wildsong! There are a few left!
Some pretty shots I dont think I shared from camping a couple weeks ago:
My gym finally got milk crates for our milk crate stack off!!! Oh man... it is so fun, and so terrifying. haha!!
I've been starting to actually train for climbing, so hopefully I'll be crushing by the time fall rolls around this year!!
(I've been also learning to nap..)
And I promise!! I'll post comicon pictures soon!!!!!^^^
I do have something coming soon though!
A new set, by the one and only CDO <3!!!
Well, I think that's about all for now!
Thanks for stickin with me ;)
xoxo
Venom
IG - VenomBlackbird - VenomOgraphy (photography) - GhostBlackbird (ghost)
FB - Venom Suicide
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