Local idiots. Every town has at least one. Hell, my hometown has five. Yesterday after writing about Henry Earl, I started to think about the poor fools that parade around the streets in utter insanity, oblivious to the fact they they are the ones whom grade-school kids pretend to be when they play 'chase' on the playgrounds. "Rawr! I'm Polio-Cancer Man!"
My hometown was blessed with Elvis, Weezey, The Cheese Man, Boob-Boom Turner, and aforementioned Polio-Cancer Man. They all have their own stories and levels of endearment in the town.
Have you ever had an encounter with one of the crazies? I have. Mine was with The Cheese Man and it happened about four years ago. I was in McDonald's and I asked The Cheese Man if I could borrow his lighter. He lit my cigarette for me, but instead of pocketing it afterwards, he held the lighter up and mumbled some crazy prayer of sorts, then said loudly, "God is pleased with you!"
Now, one must not shy away from such flattery, so I giggled a little and sat down with him. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked.
"Sure!" I said.
"Well," he began, "No one knows this, but I own this place."
He went on for a few minutes and a small crowd began to gather around us. Apparently, The Cheese Man never talked to anyone. Someone asked him a question and he looked at me and said, "I refuse to speak with these people. They are unclean. Here, take some cheese and we shall depart from here."
From his jacket pocket, he pulled out a package of deli-wrapped cheese and took a slice for himself and one for me. I declined, but The Cheese Man looked hurt. So, reluctantly, I nibbled on the edge of a slice and thanked him.
My hometown was blessed with Elvis, Weezey, The Cheese Man, Boob-Boom Turner, and aforementioned Polio-Cancer Man. They all have their own stories and levels of endearment in the town.
Have you ever had an encounter with one of the crazies? I have. Mine was with The Cheese Man and it happened about four years ago. I was in McDonald's and I asked The Cheese Man if I could borrow his lighter. He lit my cigarette for me, but instead of pocketing it afterwards, he held the lighter up and mumbled some crazy prayer of sorts, then said loudly, "God is pleased with you!"
Now, one must not shy away from such flattery, so I giggled a little and sat down with him. "Can I tell you a secret?" he asked.
"Sure!" I said.
"Well," he began, "No one knows this, but I own this place."
He went on for a few minutes and a small crowd began to gather around us. Apparently, The Cheese Man never talked to anyone. Someone asked him a question and he looked at me and said, "I refuse to speak with these people. They are unclean. Here, take some cheese and we shall depart from here."
From his jacket pocket, he pulled out a package of deli-wrapped cheese and took a slice for himself and one for me. I declined, but The Cheese Man looked hurt. So, reluctantly, I nibbled on the edge of a slice and thanked him.
tsalt:
Hey! That was me!!
sasuke:
happy new years 
