so, yeah, i was in the hospital, and damn my leg hurts, all oozing pus and blood. Wish i was still in the hospital at this point.
i'll tell about that later, that's not what concerns me right now. I'd rather whine about my personal life, and be the blogger i always hoped i'd never be. Hopefully I'll still skip the "meaningful" hard rock song lyrics and/or bad goth poetry about things dying in nature, as they do inside me
Alicia said tonight that she doesnt care about what I say to her. I'm quite sure/hoping its a product of her deadly mood swings again, but it still hurt.
The girl scares me to death on a regular basis with her mood swings. She acts totally suicidal, I'm confident that she won't actualy kill herself, but this is more because she says she won't be able to do it right, and that she'd just look stupid. I can only wish i were paraphrasing incorrectly, or that i was taking it out of context...but i'm totally not at all. I love her....alot. I care so much about her. But it's totally starting to wear on me. Everything i try to do to cheer her up, she pushes away, and it makes her more upset. Her totally attitude is that: life sucks, the bad things far outweigh the good by in infinite margin, and it will never get better. It absolutely kills me to see her like that.
I ask...i beg for her to get herself to a psychiatrist...but she refuses. i tell her that she's manic depressive, or something to that effect. She quickly reminds me that i am not a psychiatrist, and follows with saying that she can't be fixed, that it would be a waste of time trying, and that it's too expensive (the latter is quite understandable though).
Anyway, she usually end up going to sleep, or going out somewhere, and comes back all normal. only to be set off again within a few days, at the most.
I almost seems like her life scale is: Super happy things = good
just neutral living life things = bad
anything bad = wanting to die.
She's going to hate me, and think i hate her, for writing this in public. But i've wanted to for a long time.
What should I do with this poor girl, eh people? I love her dearly, and care about her more than anything. But, it seems more often than not, she doesn''t wat to be loved or cared for. she doesnt feel like she's worth it.
And now my foot feels tight. like its swelling again. Which is the opposite of right.
and i feel absolutely horrible for saying all the above mentioned things. I love yer so much, and she tried soooo hard to make me happy n the hospital, and then i do this to her. i suck
this is officially a really bad week for Velve F.
I'll have a quote later..maybe
i'll tell about that later, that's not what concerns me right now. I'd rather whine about my personal life, and be the blogger i always hoped i'd never be. Hopefully I'll still skip the "meaningful" hard rock song lyrics and/or bad goth poetry about things dying in nature, as they do inside me
Alicia said tonight that she doesnt care about what I say to her. I'm quite sure/hoping its a product of her deadly mood swings again, but it still hurt.
The girl scares me to death on a regular basis with her mood swings. She acts totally suicidal, I'm confident that she won't actualy kill herself, but this is more because she says she won't be able to do it right, and that she'd just look stupid. I can only wish i were paraphrasing incorrectly, or that i was taking it out of context...but i'm totally not at all. I love her....alot. I care so much about her. But it's totally starting to wear on me. Everything i try to do to cheer her up, she pushes away, and it makes her more upset. Her totally attitude is that: life sucks, the bad things far outweigh the good by in infinite margin, and it will never get better. It absolutely kills me to see her like that.
I ask...i beg for her to get herself to a psychiatrist...but she refuses. i tell her that she's manic depressive, or something to that effect. She quickly reminds me that i am not a psychiatrist, and follows with saying that she can't be fixed, that it would be a waste of time trying, and that it's too expensive (the latter is quite understandable though).
Anyway, she usually end up going to sleep, or going out somewhere, and comes back all normal. only to be set off again within a few days, at the most.
I almost seems like her life scale is: Super happy things = good
just neutral living life things = bad
anything bad = wanting to die.
She's going to hate me, and think i hate her, for writing this in public. But i've wanted to for a long time.
What should I do with this poor girl, eh people? I love her dearly, and care about her more than anything. But, it seems more often than not, she doesn''t wat to be loved or cared for. she doesnt feel like she's worth it.
And now my foot feels tight. like its swelling again. Which is the opposite of right.
and i feel absolutely horrible for saying all the above mentioned things. I love yer so much, and she tried soooo hard to make me happy n the hospital, and then i do this to her. i suck
this is officially a really bad week for Velve F.
I'll have a quote later..maybe
My only advice is, do what you feel is right and don't look back.