velocity

More about my job, in two parts:

Part One

Dear My Coworkers,

Let's just get this out in the open. I don't want to see pictures of your children. I don't want to touch your pregnant belly. I don't want to hear about how you shit yourself when you give birth but it's totally worth it because after nine hours of the worst pain ever you have this tiny miracle to hold. I don't want to see the little outfits you've bought. I don't want to hear stories about how your kid put a bowl of spaghetti on its head and that made it the most brilliant, cutest, smartest, most photogenic baby ever in the history of the world. I don't want to, so don't ask me. It doesn't mean I don't like children. It doesn't mean I don't like you. It doesn't mean I don't like your children. It simply means that the district doesn't pay me to look at pictures of your kids, feel your belly, or hear about your poo. The district pays me to do my job, and that's what I'd like to do. Please let me do it.

Thanks,
Keri

Part Two

A Conversation with a Student:

Le'V____c: Wassup, my nigga?
Me: You have noticed, Le'V____c, that I'm not exactly a nigga, right?
Le'V____c: You a nigga where it counts.
Me: That's just about the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me.