velle

Accents are hot. I know it's kind of dumb but accents are definitely a turn on.

In other news, I am going crazy waiting to find out about the internship. Blahhhh. I have no idea if a whole lot of people applied or how many they even accept.

You don't know how bad I want this. In a way I feel like I need this to live. Maybe that sounds farfetched or dramatic to you but...it seems like this is my chance. I want to go out and be on my own in a huge city where I don't know a soul. I want to walk in the crowds and people watch and meet new people or maybe be the lone wolf. I don't know. I don't want to be here or anywhere near here or anyone from here.

I really need this. Sometimes I don't feel like a person anymore....just a collection of ideas of what I want to be, what I pretend to be, what I am, what other people think I am, what other people want me to be, etc. Just a jumbled of collection of...nothing.

I want to go to a new place and meet people that I won't really have to care about because I won't know them for very long.

I want to see if I can make it on my own.

Maybe you don't get it.

But think about this: have you ever just wanted to run away to somewhere and never come back and be able to leave everything you ever knew behind?

Yeah. Well, I have felt like that since I came into existence. I'm never happy anywhere I go. All I know is that I usually want to just go.

So this will be my opportunity to JUST GO. To fucking LEAVE. To run away like I want.

But it makes it even easier because I know that I will be able to come back after a while. It's like running away without having to throw everything away.

I can't explain it.

I know it is probably a very slim chance that I will get this job. Very slim.

But it means everything to me right now.

If I get it, I will be so amazingly happy the next couple months because I'll know that I will soon be free.

Yes. That's it. That is how Ive always felt

trapped.