Today is a new day.. and work really sucks!!! My three strongest people called off for my lunch shift today.... which left me, and ONE other person who knew what they were doing to bring in $2000 worth of sales. While four clueless new hires ran around like fish out of water! GGGRRRR!!! I hate doing my job AND telling four others how to do theirs at the same time!! Man I am glad I am off until Mon.!
On the sad and depressing side, as if the preceeding was not... my depression is worse. I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn and wake up every hour. And then when it is time to get up... I can't. If it wasn't for Dan... I don't think I would ever leave my bed again. I don't want to do anything fun, I don't want to make decisions. AND ice cream does not cheer me up!!! I just want to sleep and cry. And this is the first time that I can't figure out why. Why am I so upset? What is my trigger now? I've always known the answer, until now. I fear that when school starts back up it will be even worse than it is now.
It seems like the only way I sleep is if I stay up for 48 hours then go to bed. Then I can get about a solid 6 hours of sleep. But then I only feel rested.... not happy. No energy... just rested. What the fuck is wrong with me?? My pills aren't even helping... That just saddens me more. I feel weak and helpless. Like an anchor in water... Just plumeting straight to the bottom. (sigh)
My one inspiration that keeps my head high... is that Dan and I have the whole weekend off together!! Lots of cuddles... and maybe some sex too!
We don't get to spend much time together with our schedules.... I miss him!!
On the sad and depressing side, as if the preceeding was not... my depression is worse. I can't sleep at night. I toss and turn and wake up every hour. And then when it is time to get up... I can't. If it wasn't for Dan... I don't think I would ever leave my bed again. I don't want to do anything fun, I don't want to make decisions. AND ice cream does not cheer me up!!! I just want to sleep and cry. And this is the first time that I can't figure out why. Why am I so upset? What is my trigger now? I've always known the answer, until now. I fear that when school starts back up it will be even worse than it is now.
It seems like the only way I sleep is if I stay up for 48 hours then go to bed. Then I can get about a solid 6 hours of sleep. But then I only feel rested.... not happy. No energy... just rested. What the fuck is wrong with me?? My pills aren't even helping... That just saddens me more. I feel weak and helpless. Like an anchor in water... Just plumeting straight to the bottom. (sigh)
My one inspiration that keeps my head high... is that Dan and I have the whole weekend off together!! Lots of cuddles... and maybe some sex too!
We don't get to spend much time together with our schedules.... I miss him!!
Have fun cuddling