Poem: I see you

10

Seeing the light
I saw what was the best
Nothing could have been better
You were standing there… amazing
I should have spoken
Told you something I had been… longing
I just got captivated
I was blinded
My brain didn’t want to function
I was held tight
Time stood still for a moment
It was like I had been trapped
Everything I wanted
I could
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cheshire_:
Very moving poetry 🥹 listen to a song for me and tell me what it does if anything please avenged sevenfold “Victim” if you never heard it sometimes I hear songs that will do the same as your poetry 🖤❤️
vegetablesalad:
Yup I know avenged sevenfold! I listen to a lot of stuff so it’s hard for people to mention something I have not heard before. Sometimes I listen to song while I write my poems, depending on my mood.

Mental Mainframe 2

10

Again this is a workout to write a story without writing all the complete parts to that story, I choose to write my story in poetic form with a rhythm and on and off rhyme. It may not make sense to you and thats ok. I Applaud your effort to understand.

Started 7:10pm

Wishing the days were longer

Having nothing but conversations

The words wasting
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Mental Mainframe 1

8

I normally write these in private because only I can hear the rhythm and understand the phrasing. To 90% of you that read this it will make no sense and its going to seem as if I am just writing words down. I am not. The words are chosen carefully and at a pretty good rate of speed.

This is a workout for the brain
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I don’t feel like I belong

11

I guess this goes alone with my last post. I feel so distant from others. Maybe not on any part of my own but I just can’t seem to connect with anyone.

I am an extreme introvert so it’s hard for me to enjoy being around many people. So I typically don’t go to bars or places where a lot of people will meet and
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avrora:
I think it was way easier to make a connections in Internet before, right now it is all overfloaded. As a fellow introvert I totally understand your feelings about crowdy places, I can only go there if I have a couple extravert friends who takes me :)  as for interent connections, I remeber how wasy was to find someone to talk in the net 10-14 years ago, but internet and word was different these days. However I believe that thematic forums and spaces still work for that.
vegetablesalad:
@avrora I wish I saw the same light at the end of the tunnel as you do. Even these forums for me are not conducive to me finding even a steady friend, and I have been on here since before when there use to be a chat section where you could live chat. Man I miss those days of these forums. I do agree that chatting was easier when the internet was more text based. Now it’s all snap and insta… I don’t like those types of  platforms. Too many bots and people looking to take advantage of you. I feel like I’m being cut off from society. I mean I know I’m not. Just what I want in friendship or god forbid a relationship is just not anything that others are looking for at all.

No drugs No alcohol

11

Am I the only human on Earth that has never done any drugs or smoke weed or drink alcohol?

I feel outcasted by everyone I know and everywhere I go because of this.
whenever I get asked either about weed or alcohol and then hear I don’t do either and have no interest in it, I get the look like I’m not human or that...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
avrora:
it is true that alcohol and weed are sort of social lube and some people may find it uncomfortable that someone do not do any of that. However I do not think that it does not make you feel the whole taste of your life, you do not have to do anything what does not make you excited, and based on the last sentence of your blog I think you know it very well. Moreover, I know some people with the same paradigm as yours. As for me, I never had a problem to say no to alcohol or weed when I do not want to use it but I can only be jealous of your discipline, this is something I need in my life :)
vegetablesalad:
@avrora I think at times my discipline and honesty are real detriments in this world. Both of these have really destroyed my social life. At least from what I have experienced. Such is the same for morals and ethics, now I can sway on my morals, but my ethics are stronger than my discipline at times.

What is it like without someone to talk to...

16

I don't know how many people go through this, but for me I have only had myself to talk to for the last 13 years. I am not close to my family at all.

I hang out with one person I have known for years but he is not someone I can talk to about stuff. We only hang out every once in a while...
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oldernow:
meeting for the first time is like staying married: you have to find a common interest that is beyond each individual's personal shit.  we all shit. it stinks, and we sometimes need to get that shit out and so on.  but finding another person/s who are interested in Legos, the Mets, the same singer as you, the local politicians, the lost dogs of the area--whatever.  two people sit down facing each other across a table. they will never get closer.  then something happens across the street and they turn **together** to look out the window **together** and they are now quite close compared to the amazing/weird/shitty thing out there.   the assumption that you are not like anyone else is both wrong and lazy.  i am a paralyzed vegetarian in a rural area.  I have made friends with other paralytics, vegetarians, and farmfolk near and far.  it took some time, and not all was easy or fun or without embarrassment, but it can happen.  Finally, i strongly recommend reading or listening to the Dalai Lama and/or a beautiful young Norwegian singer: Aurora - her "live" (now youtubed) talks before or about her singing.
francy:
💖

What should I write here?

17

There are times where I don't care about who sees what, where. However then logic kicks in and then I get pulled down to Earth and realize that what I do on the internet can make my real life so much harder to navigate because there are closed minded motherfuckers out there that just want to shit on you and for no go reason... shut...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
emeralda:
i get you! at the same time i wanna be low profile i also wanna work with internet. :P
vegetablesalad:
@emeralda Its a hard line to skirt.