I miss my friend Stephen... we have not talked at all this past month. He is finally in California. I can't deal with it anymore. I feel sooo guilty for blowing him off because Beej wanted me to. He was sucha great friend to me. I felt like he "got" me in a way very few people ever have. Now I am at that stage where calling him would be werid... I never thought that calling him would make me feel like this. I keep trying to refocus... I love school and I love BJ. I like my life just fine... even if he's not here. But I will admit that sometimes having him around made my days a little bit better. Things have not been this good between me and Beej for a long time. I am happy... I think. 