Fireworks mean something to me now. For a few years I couldn't enjoy the November fireworks because they always brought me back to November 4th 2006 - the day my boyfriend broke up with me only two weeks after my best friend had died in our house.
I don't want this to be a long detailed blog because it's a positive feeling I want to get across. I lost my best friend at university on October 11th 2006 in our shared flat and became very angry at everything and everyone whilst trying to come to terms with it. So angry, I took it all out on my boyfriend at the time who lost all energy to try and help me and broke up with me on fireworks night (well, the night before) 2006. These few weeks were the loneliest and saddest times I've ever gone through. For a few years following Shaun's death and my break-up fireworks brought that night back and I would be overcome with the grief of losing two friends in such a short space of time.
However, last night November 4th 2011 I was watching a firework display with my boyfriend of almost two years I smiled and it was a proper genuine smile. Writing this I am getting a teary again but I like to cry over Shaun (RIP) because I've come to terms with knowing how to deal with those emotions and for me, crying is a good thing. And it makes me smile so much to see how my life has changed for the better and worse throughout the last 5 years. I feel very grateful to have been seen through those tough first few months by my friends and I'm glad to be on the other side of it and to be capable of remembering Shaun and enjoying those memories.
I just wish, go back five years I could have let the broken 20 year old me know that it was all going to be ok and I got through it and five years down the line I'd be in love again and happy and watching a firework display with happy tears and lots of smiles. Oh and to say 'Hey Veder you know what? You're so much stronger than you know'
(Oh and me and my ex are actually very good friends these days too, which is awesome)
Me and Shaun - the worlds best present to me. RIP my lovely friend.
Fireworks make me smile
I don't want this to be a long detailed blog because it's a positive feeling I want to get across. I lost my best friend at university on October 11th 2006 in our shared flat and became very angry at everything and everyone whilst trying to come to terms with it. So angry, I took it all out on my boyfriend at the time who lost all energy to try and help me and broke up with me on fireworks night (well, the night before) 2006. These few weeks were the loneliest and saddest times I've ever gone through. For a few years following Shaun's death and my break-up fireworks brought that night back and I would be overcome with the grief of losing two friends in such a short space of time.
However, last night November 4th 2011 I was watching a firework display with my boyfriend of almost two years I smiled and it was a proper genuine smile. Writing this I am getting a teary again but I like to cry over Shaun (RIP) because I've come to terms with knowing how to deal with those emotions and for me, crying is a good thing. And it makes me smile so much to see how my life has changed for the better and worse throughout the last 5 years. I feel very grateful to have been seen through those tough first few months by my friends and I'm glad to be on the other side of it and to be capable of remembering Shaun and enjoying those memories.
I just wish, go back five years I could have let the broken 20 year old me know that it was all going to be ok and I got through it and five years down the line I'd be in love again and happy and watching a firework display with happy tears and lots of smiles. Oh and to say 'Hey Veder you know what? You're so much stronger than you know'
(Oh and me and my ex are actually very good friends these days too, which is awesome)
Me and Shaun - the worlds best present to me. RIP my lovely friend.
Fireworks make me smile
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
sven76:
Thanks!
nickstone:
My weekend is ok so far, thank you. How is yours ?