When @missy asked us to write up this blog, I was nervous. In fact I still am. I seem to be split between really bad negatives with SG and some super awesome positives.
So the negatives are that at least two of my previous relationships have failed with one of the reasons being my involvement on this site. In fact my current relationship is rocky because of my internet nakedness. I have been called a slut/whore, deemed a cheater and unworthy of trust because of my nakedness on this site. I am considered not faithful for sharing my nude self on the internet.
Some how the concept of being naked has to go hand in hand with wanting to get in other peoples pants.
Surprisingly this judgement is reserved for myself and my friends on the site are not subjected to having the same so called 'whorish' behavior.
The amusing part is that Sg gave back to me what years of therapy could not. SG gave me back control of my sexuality as well as how I define myself within the parameters of being viewed as sexy. Yes there are those obnoxious members, but for the most part everyone on the site is really encouraging, interesting conversationalists and all round some of the more genuine people I have come across. I do not feel like a sexual object on this site, as people are interested in what I do, my opinions and some even get my strange sense of humour.
I have found comfort in this site's community, and have sometimes found it easier to talk about issues here rather than burden my friends with some of my more personal problems (which are numerous and ongoing).
For someone who hid their sexual abuse from everyone in their life for years, and who finds it incredibly hard to relate to people, this site has been a stepping stone to reclaiming a part of me.
For me, becoming a Suicidegirl was not just about the title, it meant that I found the courage to be myself sexually in a safe, fun environment with some of the best people around.
Of course there are my friends who I love dearly, who have been there no matter if I am in a mood and don't reply, or harass them with messages of desparate needs of hugs (which I am always in need of... in fact I am incredibly needy that way).
@remod66 , @treuntas , @oxy you guys have always managed to make me smile and laugh no matter the situation.
@arroia , @lumo , @cuddlefish are probably the greatest friends anyone could have, although I did know @lumo and @cuddlefish long before SG.
And then there are my new found friends, such as @pyke who is just so damn sweet and supportive.
I know I am forgetting people, and that the dichotomy I face between constantly choosing between this site and the guy I am dating is burdening, but I am glad that whether I am submitting sets or not that everyone here are supportive and great.
So yeah, in case I have never posted it, here is a picture of @arroia , @lumo and myself wearing fake mustaches from last year.
