Life, for some people, is a bitter trial.
It is so, because they are aware of the hidden nightmare beneath waking life...
..the unending river of sadness.
They live at all times knowing it, feeling it.. hurting.
And there are those who are unaware. The vast legion of humankind...
Silly, decadent fuckers... trapped in mundane obsession.
Vane, selfish, and cruel.
They are bent on filling...
Read More
It is so, because they are aware of the hidden nightmare beneath waking life...
..the unending river of sadness.
They live at all times knowing it, feeling it.. hurting.
And there are those who are unaware. The vast legion of humankind...
Silly, decadent fuckers... trapped in mundane obsession.
Vane, selfish, and cruel.
They are bent on filling...
Read More
I'm a soldier, born to stand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more
than I can understand
in this waking hell I am
witnessing more
than I can understand
cureelise:
was supposed to be in your area next weekend but it looks like we might not be able to make it. 
was hoping to be able to finally meet u - guess it will have to wait. 
paying bills comes before trips to detroit or wherever else we decide to go
was hoping to be able to finally meet u - guess it will have to wait. paying bills comes before trips to detroit or wherever else we decide to goI haven't written in a really long time.
I haven't even looked around the site in over six months... i wonder if there any good new sets?
I dont think i write because it isnt like anyone would read this anyway. I write entries all day long on paper.
I wish I had some good news, but my life is a total sewer.
I dont...
Read More
I haven't even looked around the site in over six months... i wonder if there any good new sets?
I dont think i write because it isnt like anyone would read this anyway. I write entries all day long on paper.
I wish I had some good news, but my life is a total sewer.
I dont...
Read More
cureelise:
hey sweetie - u still working at b repub ???? I wish u're life wasn't so full of sadness.* I want out of here.. i am bored, I am burned out.* I know how that feels. I need something new in my life . my life has had a few changes - germ and I aren't chatting as much as we use to, my bestfriends mom isn't well and he fears that her time might be coming soon - he doesn't know how he's going to deal- feel that it's time for a new look or some new ink. getting bored with what I see in the mirror - feel like I want to shed my skin.
Long time...
I live quietly now.
Today, incidentally, was an upheaval.
Cast back by another pretty little foe.
Some enemy that i never really knew.
A liar that i cannot unlove.
it hurts.
missing you still hurts.. days or years away.
i tried to give of myself. I was lost. didn't you ever bother to think that i might actually not be evil?
I just...
Read More
I live quietly now.
Today, incidentally, was an upheaval.
Cast back by another pretty little foe.
Some enemy that i never really knew.
A liar that i cannot unlove.
it hurts.
missing you still hurts.. days or years away.
i tried to give of myself. I was lost. didn't you ever bother to think that i might actually not be evil?
I just...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
cureelise:
hey sweetie- how are things going ? Been thinking about u and was planning on calling - need to find your number first . it's around here somewhere.
Yeah, I am still around.
No access right now.
Ive been working ALOT at BR. but I was fored sop that is over with. I will be online soon..
No access right now.
Ive been working ALOT at BR. but I was fored sop that is over with. I will be online soon..
cureelise:
hey sweetie I lost your addy and was going to send u an x-mas card- it's kinda too late for that I guess - but can u email me it anyways so I can have it ready for next year or for whatever else I end up sending u.
I have had a job at Banana Republic for a bit more than a month at this point. I am working alot, around 7-9 hours a day.. which might not be terrible, but it is alot more than I have worked at a steady job in a few years.
Sadness is a wicked thing.
Especially in it's naked, barren form... starring it's victim right in...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
moya:
I hope you had a good holiday. 
Happy new years. 
Happy new years. Again, and as usual, it has been a long time since i have written on here. Complacency kills.
My life is again so disconnected.
I work about 10 hours a day. I talk to noone, not even my coworkers.
I suppose that I could, at this point, blither on about lonliness or solitude or whatever. But why complain about something that I seem unwiling and...
Read More
My life is again so disconnected.
I work about 10 hours a day. I talk to noone, not even my coworkers.
I suppose that I could, at this point, blither on about lonliness or solitude or whatever. But why complain about something that I seem unwiling and...
Read More
I need a doctor, someone with a needle.
Im not wanting to die anytime soon.
Im not wanting to die anytime soon.
There was a documentary on Sundance tonight... it intimately followed several inner city heroin and methadone addicts. It was a terribly trite picture, but I was chilled to the bone just the same...
This disease is still so much with me.
I think that I avoid this journal because I am afraid that I still focus alot on the addiction, that I still have much...
Read More
This disease is still so much with me.
I think that I avoid this journal because I am afraid that I still focus alot on the addiction, that I still have much...
Read More
moya:
I first saw your entry back in October when you announced you were going into rehab, and bookmarked (I hope that doesn't make me sound sick). Sorry to have 'stalked' for so long.
Even though you have lost all of your old friends, and I can only understand how painful that is to an extent as we don't share similar experiences, there's no harm in making new ones, is there?
So far, one major thing I've felt was a glimmer of hope that you'll eventually pull out of this dark period over time.
I'm not quite sure what to write or how to put words, because I do not want to inflict any negative thoughts; not knowing you, yet saying that reading your entries can sometimes be painful without sparking even more sadness inside you..
Despite the numerous differences, there's a bit of..not feeling quite so alone. I don't mean to/to sound that I/ take pleasure in your absolute misery; I don't. Nor do I mean to belittle or make comparisons to what you are dealing with.
It's only odd where one finds comfort, no matter how small.
Even though you have lost all of your old friends, and I can only understand how painful that is to an extent as we don't share similar experiences, there's no harm in making new ones, is there?
So far, one major thing I've felt was a glimmer of hope that you'll eventually pull out of this dark period over time.
I'm not quite sure what to write or how to put words, because I do not want to inflict any negative thoughts; not knowing you, yet saying that reading your entries can sometimes be painful without sparking even more sadness inside you..
Despite the numerous differences, there's a bit of..not feeling quite so alone. I don't mean to/to sound that I/ take pleasure in your absolute misery; I don't. Nor do I mean to belittle or make comparisons to what you are dealing with.
It's only odd where one finds comfort, no matter how small.
cureelise:
If it was methadonia that u watched then we saw the same documentary- it made me think of how lame I must have looked when I was nodding out at friends houses or wherever I ended up. getting off herion is a bitch - but so it getting off of methadone- even though I've been off of the crap for a few years it was still hard for me to watch. the inner addict started to crave and wanted to feel numb again. why I don't really know- guess I have something stressing me out lately that I'm not really taking a look at and I'm trying to get by w/o having to deal with it.
And how have you been??
I so rarely look at a computer screen anymore.
However, I will be on the web alot more often now, since Ive gotten my connection back online. Anyone want to say hi?
Tell me that I was missed... or the very opposite.
I so rarely look at a computer screen anymore.
However, I will be on the web alot more often now, since Ive gotten my connection back online. Anyone want to say hi?
Tell me that I was missed... or the very opposite.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cureelise:
well um u missed me turning 31- so far things are going pretty good for me - my cousin's wife is going to beauty school and is learning how to do waxing- so she told me to stop shaving so she can practice on me - not like I have any hair to wax- I've been growing it out for like 2 weeks now and it's still too short for her to do anything with.
other then getting the hair ripped out of me things have been pretty mellow around here- been playing a lot of guitar - it seems to be calming
other then getting the hair ripped out of me things have been pretty mellow around here- been playing a lot of guitar - it seems to be calming
moya:
Hi.
I've had you bookmarked for a long time. I am relieved to see you've updated, thus, you are still alive; I wondered and worried there for a bit.
I've had you bookmarked for a long time. I am relieved to see you've updated, thus, you are still alive; I wondered and worried there for a bit.