back into your world
Im out of The detox hopital.
My detoxification was a nightmare. I was ill for 10 days.. for 2 of those days I was compltely mad.
I cried so much in there.. about my situation, about those that I have wronged.. about the terror my life has become.
I broke in the realization that none of you love me, and I was foolish to think that you ever had.
Ive tried to begin making amaneds with those who suffered close to me when i was ill with addiction.
Ive only been rejected. My boy hates me now. So does A and S. Poor girls, they dont get that I was ill, that it wasnt the real me that was in this body... confused orlying or unreliable. None will give me a chance now, so I must seal them from my lives. They didnt even bother tring to visit or call or leave a message while I was in the hospital.. I even had a heart attack. What if I had died, would they be so cold and heartless to a corpse?
I would do anything for them. anything.
Im still feel cravings, but more like mental desire for dope... the physical shit seems over.
And now, I must live with the sadness of those i love turning against me, unwilling to give me a chace to show them a new beginning.
Still, I wont be bitter. I cant control what any of you feel.
So, hate or pity or disgust yourselves with me. I will carry on alone if i need to.
Ive been alone this whole time anyway.
Im out of The detox hopital.
My detoxification was a nightmare. I was ill for 10 days.. for 2 of those days I was compltely mad.
I cried so much in there.. about my situation, about those that I have wronged.. about the terror my life has become.
I broke in the realization that none of you love me, and I was foolish to think that you ever had.
Ive tried to begin making amaneds with those who suffered close to me when i was ill with addiction.
Ive only been rejected. My boy hates me now. So does A and S. Poor girls, they dont get that I was ill, that it wasnt the real me that was in this body... confused orlying or unreliable. None will give me a chance now, so I must seal them from my lives. They didnt even bother tring to visit or call or leave a message while I was in the hospital.. I even had a heart attack. What if I had died, would they be so cold and heartless to a corpse?
I would do anything for them. anything.
Im still feel cravings, but more like mental desire for dope... the physical shit seems over.
And now, I must live with the sadness of those i love turning against me, unwilling to give me a chace to show them a new beginning.
Still, I wont be bitter. I cant control what any of you feel.
So, hate or pity or disgust yourselves with me. I will carry on alone if i need to.
Ive been alone this whole time anyway.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
ihatemylife:
don't give up....
kira:
i really hope that everything is going ok with you and your recovery. i've thought about you a couple of times over the last couple weeks wondering how you were doing and if you were alright. i just quit drinking and that sucked enough so i can't even imagine what you went through, but i am proud of you that you did it. it's a really hard thing to do and i hope you stick with it...you are in my thoughts... 