vassago

i post so damn infrequently on here.
im a little better with the myspace thing... myspace.com/somaphobe

i dont think i talk to anyone i have met on here any longer.
I really miss "SH". I wish everything didnt have to go down the way it did.
I wonder if she ever wonders about me..?
She was a fantastic friend and a beautiful lover.. moreover a fabulous person.
I must suck pretty bad to inspire the hatred of someone like that.

Im all wrapped up in end-of-semester shit right now.
I havent been this busy in a very long time.

I have spent a very long time suffering the grayness, the boredom.. the fleeting agony, of this lifestyle of addiction.
But, it might seem, changes are afoot.

Ive put alot of thought into finally embracing recovery. and perhaps embracing life.
Odd as it may seem, the idea of sobriety and living is terrifying.
The SLOW movement into recovery is working hazardously and awkwardly.
Ive arranged it so that virtually al of my once-friends have long since left me.
Im lonely, and I am displaced in this life.
With nothing to attach to, and noone to hold or guide me.. this fight seems so futile.

Im sort of wondering what it is i am fighting for. I have already lost everything i loved. I cannot bring them back, it seems. What exactly do I have to regrow into?

Those I love have long since cast me behind, remorseless and liberated.
I see no reflection for my new, unborn soul.


I want the light again, but does it want me?