Poi! >~<
My set is available for review in 9 days! i'm very excited!!!!! Fingers crossed you're all like it!
So update time! Where to begin.... Well I've got a telephone interview with Vodafone on Monday! More money less pay, bloody lovely! Plus I thoroughly enjoyed my time at Carphone warehouse a few years back, so the main thing is I hope it's something i'll be happy doing! As as long as they have the same mentality as CPW then I'll be fine, because they focused on sales through customer service not through forcing a product on someone. Never understood the logic behind that, i mean in one hand you have people walking away with a product they love, feeling confident and happy and the other you have a seriously confused, frustratedly unhappy customer that came in for a top up and ended up with a new phone and a stupidly expensive contract. I will never understand why people aim for the latter!? enough about that rant.
When you control your thoughts, you change your world.
I am feeling 100% Happy with myself at the moment, after years of a extremely taxing up hill struggle with my mental health issues I finally for the first time feel like i'm getting a real handle on them! I feel like i've finally found the secret to how to not let them control my life! I use to be extremely self conscious, to the point I wouldn't wear what I wanted to wear, I wouldn't act like how I wanted to act, I wouldn't want to leave the house because I was terrified of being looked at and judged! Safe to say I had serious case of Social anxiety mixed with a low self esteem. Last year it was so bad I locked myself up in my flat and I didn't speak to anyone or go anywhere for about a year, and that is a serious unhealthy way to live.
This was lastly triggered off by a extremely destructive relationship I had been in, It's only recently I had the strength to lock this person out of my life. Before I got with that person I felt like how I do now, happy with myself, optimistic and passionate. Then I was broken down, all my flaws.. real and made up were picked at daily. I cried every day, feeling confused and angry because I didn't understand why I couldn't fix it, why I couldn't stop the person I loved and said loved me from breaking my heart and soul, every single day. It pushed me to do things i'm not quite ready to share on here, despite my general openness. Despite all of this, I wouldn't change a single moment, because without all those series of moments I wouldn't have grown and become even stronger. I would also like to point out that I have suffered from mental health issues most of my life and that relationship only re opened pandora's box.
There's two reasons i'm sharing this, 1 is for those who've been through/going through something similar I want to show you it can get better. two because i'm an open person and putting this out there is giving me more strength to be who i am and to learn to accept my past, reminding myself how it's continued to shape me for the better. I believe you have two options with struggles in your life, you can either let it stop you from living and push you into a world where you lose all sense of self, forever relieving the pain or you can accept that life is a series of events designed to shape your for the better, giving you the strength to overcome anything. There are two sides to every coin, without one you cannot have the other.
The key thing i've learnt after all of the events I have been a part of is, if you no longer love yourself, there is no you to love. You are the only one in control of who you are and how you act, you are the only one who will let the pain wash away the person you are. You chose to listen to the negative comments, absorbing and believing in them. When you learn to be truly happy and confident with yourself no one can tell you different. Not even that negative demon living within yourself, that eats away at you, telling your not good enough, not strong enough, not worthy enough. You are the only one with the power to shut it out, to choose not to listen because you know, even if it was true the positive part of you is the strongest and will win. I still have my demons, they attack me in moments of weakness and upset but only for a moment, Because I defend myself, i tell it how it really is, how it has no control. For the reason that, despite how awful things can be if you focus on the positive, life really does feel better!
I honestly didn't intend on writing such an essay but I feel better for it =} it's always good to get things out!
Big snuggle to those not feeling 100% happy, and high five to those who do!
x
