Brenda's Third Visit
Brenda is gone now. Wyspurr took her to the Greyhound station on her way to work this morning. That leaves me feeling heavy hearted. I always start missing her before she's even out the door. Especially this time, as this weekend will be the last I see of her for quite some time to come unless there's a dramatic turn around in my finances.
Anyway, I've not had time to write a real journal entry since Brenda arrived Friday morning. We thought she was going to run late so the plan had been for Wyspurr to take BigBlack81 to the Greyhound station to wait for her arrival and guide her safely here via MARTA. Just a few minutes after they left, Brenda called to say she was there. So she managed to catch them and Wyspurr brought Brenda and BigBlack81 back to our apartment before heading off to work.
Brenda and I snuggled until it was time to take Destiny to catch the school bus. When Brenda's in town, she always comes to the bus stop with us, which is a treat for both Destiny and I. Destiny likes Brenda a lot. Definitely a good thing.
When Wyspurr got home from work, she let me know that Einstein Bros. would be happy to have me back as the weekend baker. This is good news in the sense that I definitely need a job right now. It's shitty news in the sense that I really hated that job but knowing I have a definite job will keep me from getting out there and trying to find a job that I don't hate because I'm so horribly bad at job hunting. Still, I'm glad they're letting me go back because it will be good to have a paycheck again. Now if I can just manage to magically pull about five hundred dollars out of my ass between now and my first paycheck to keep my power and internet from being shut off and pay rent life will be all kinds of peachy again with our income exceeding our living expenses again.
Anyway, the three of us and the children went over to Target to pick up a few needed items. Then Wyspurr took Brenda and I back to the apartment, where she left us while she took the kids to the Barnes & Noble down the street. This was so Brenda and I could have a couple of hours to ourselves for some play time...which involved my camera, rope, our flogger, lube, and condoms. It was a most satisfying experience.
Later, after feeding the kids and getting them off to bed, the three of us watched an episode of Coupling, my favorite romantic comedy. Then Wyspurr crashed out and Brenda and I watched another episode of Coupling, then she requested I throw on some Mystery Science Theater 3000. I was only too happy to oblige. In the midst of all this, of course, was drinking, snuggling, kissing, and wrestling. We finished off the evening with some fooling around before crashing out.
Saturday morning started out with cleaning up for the party. In the afternoon Wyspurr and whorlwind rode over to holierthancow and Shannon's to drop off the kids. In the meantime, Brenda and I frolicked and cleaned. I also used the kid's chalk to write "HAPPY B-DAY DEBRA I LOVE YOU -WWA-" on the sidewalk leading to our apartment's courtyard. Wyspurr and Chris had Ocean and Stitch with them when they came back, along with their infant Eris. I was a little wary about having the baby around but figured it would be child safe enough 'til midnight and knew they wouldn't be staying much past that. Fortunately, the wee one was fussy up until party time but contently went to sleep right before anyone else showed up. So we tucked her safely away in the kid's room and stuck a sign on the door threatening the life of anyone who disturbed the baby. With Ocean and Stitch taking turns checking on her every ten minutes, she was perfectly fine.
A fair number of people showed up at the party. Twenty-two in total, all of which stayed a fairly long time. kid_suicide, stuzzy, Brenda, Brett, whorlwind, ___k, Donzell, Wyspurr, Janel, Kendra, hasselhoff, geckogirl, Laura, BigBlack81, Onie, Ocean, Reverend_HotRod, ChimericalMe, Shannon, Stitch, and me plus someone Donzell brought whose name I don't recall.
Things were pretty mild until midnight, which is as we intended it. Then we rang in the midnight hour with Brenda taking a birthday spanking in Wyspurr's place. 27 strokes delivered by me with sadistic glee. Then Wyspurr wanted in on it, but instead of a spanking she wanted a flogging. So I gave her 27 hard lashes. I'm not a nice man. With both Brenda and Wyspurr I make the most of the 27 blows. There was apparently more flogging type fun later, but I spent that portion of the evening in the bathroom holding Brenda's hair back while she vomited. Brenda had drunk a bit much a bit fast and had to extract herself from being team molested by Onie and Kendra to hurl.
I was taken off guard by how mortified Brenda was with herself for vomiting, and the emotional meltdown that it had catalyzed. She was embarrassed about making herself sick and thought everyone was going to think badly of her for it. I forget how young and sheltered she is sometimes. She was angry with herself because she was supposed to be too smart for something like that.
Most of all, though, she cried and cried about how she hated college and didn't want to go back to Tampa. It hurt a lot, because I didn't want her to go back either but I knew she had to. If I had the choice to make and was completely selfish about it she wouldn't go back. However, I don't want her fucking up her life for me so I've been maintaining the stance of telling her to finish out the semester and if she still hates USF so much to take a break from college for a while...but do it after the semester is over so she doesn't fuck her GPA.
It really stung, though, when she'd say things like she wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone like me. She said she was supposed to fall in love with someone at graduate school with a future. Basically the same sort of things Crystal told me before she left me for the college boy she met at the Dave Matthews concert. To hear those sort of things from Brenda cut like a knife, but really weren't too surprising either. I feel a whole lot less sure of our relationship now that I know a part of her sees loving me as a burden. I don't want to be anyone's cross to bear. Unless by some miracle I actually make it as a writer, I'll never be much more than a low wage grunt. That's something I tell all the girls I'm with up front. All I have to offer is love, honor, passion, and adventurousness. If that's not enough to make loving me worthwhile, then she needs to look elsewhere.
Because she got so sick, Brenda didn't feel up to hopping on the bus at the ass crack of Sunday morning. So she stayed an extra day despite the fact it would mean missing classes. That meant she got to come with us to the Atlanta Rollergirls Fall Brawl bout. This time we left the kids with holierthancow and Shannon so Brenda and I were actually able to enjoy watching Wyspurr out there in the rink taking her lumps. I'm getting rather jaded with the Rollergirls bouts though. Things are just too sloppy and disorganized, and I've gotten to the point where I've lost any faith in the referees. Now the only reason to watch it is to see girls shove each other around, which isn't as much fun when you no longer care about the competitive angle. At this point I kind of hope Wyspurr does quit like she's been thinking of...roller derby eats up a huge amount of time and a significant amount of money for a family as poor as we are.
After the bout, we ran Brenda by the Greyhound station to reschedule her leaving. That was a hassle, but at least it went fairly quickly. Then we came back to the apartment, Wyspurr took a nap, and Brenda and I cuddled and watched Adult Swim while counting down the few hours she had left. Then Wyspurr took her to the Greyhound station on her way to work. That leaves me feeling heavy hearted.
As so it goes. A good weekend with a couple of bumps in the road.
Brenda is gone now. Wyspurr took her to the Greyhound station on her way to work this morning. That leaves me feeling heavy hearted. I always start missing her before she's even out the door. Especially this time, as this weekend will be the last I see of her for quite some time to come unless there's a dramatic turn around in my finances.
Anyway, I've not had time to write a real journal entry since Brenda arrived Friday morning. We thought she was going to run late so the plan had been for Wyspurr to take BigBlack81 to the Greyhound station to wait for her arrival and guide her safely here via MARTA. Just a few minutes after they left, Brenda called to say she was there. So she managed to catch them and Wyspurr brought Brenda and BigBlack81 back to our apartment before heading off to work.
Brenda and I snuggled until it was time to take Destiny to catch the school bus. When Brenda's in town, she always comes to the bus stop with us, which is a treat for both Destiny and I. Destiny likes Brenda a lot. Definitely a good thing.
When Wyspurr got home from work, she let me know that Einstein Bros. would be happy to have me back as the weekend baker. This is good news in the sense that I definitely need a job right now. It's shitty news in the sense that I really hated that job but knowing I have a definite job will keep me from getting out there and trying to find a job that I don't hate because I'm so horribly bad at job hunting. Still, I'm glad they're letting me go back because it will be good to have a paycheck again. Now if I can just manage to magically pull about five hundred dollars out of my ass between now and my first paycheck to keep my power and internet from being shut off and pay rent life will be all kinds of peachy again with our income exceeding our living expenses again.
Anyway, the three of us and the children went over to Target to pick up a few needed items. Then Wyspurr took Brenda and I back to the apartment, where she left us while she took the kids to the Barnes & Noble down the street. This was so Brenda and I could have a couple of hours to ourselves for some play time...which involved my camera, rope, our flogger, lube, and condoms. It was a most satisfying experience.
Later, after feeding the kids and getting them off to bed, the three of us watched an episode of Coupling, my favorite romantic comedy. Then Wyspurr crashed out and Brenda and I watched another episode of Coupling, then she requested I throw on some Mystery Science Theater 3000. I was only too happy to oblige. In the midst of all this, of course, was drinking, snuggling, kissing, and wrestling. We finished off the evening with some fooling around before crashing out.
Saturday morning started out with cleaning up for the party. In the afternoon Wyspurr and whorlwind rode over to holierthancow and Shannon's to drop off the kids. In the meantime, Brenda and I frolicked and cleaned. I also used the kid's chalk to write "HAPPY B-DAY DEBRA I LOVE YOU -WWA-" on the sidewalk leading to our apartment's courtyard. Wyspurr and Chris had Ocean and Stitch with them when they came back, along with their infant Eris. I was a little wary about having the baby around but figured it would be child safe enough 'til midnight and knew they wouldn't be staying much past that. Fortunately, the wee one was fussy up until party time but contently went to sleep right before anyone else showed up. So we tucked her safely away in the kid's room and stuck a sign on the door threatening the life of anyone who disturbed the baby. With Ocean and Stitch taking turns checking on her every ten minutes, she was perfectly fine.
A fair number of people showed up at the party. Twenty-two in total, all of which stayed a fairly long time. kid_suicide, stuzzy, Brenda, Brett, whorlwind, ___k, Donzell, Wyspurr, Janel, Kendra, hasselhoff, geckogirl, Laura, BigBlack81, Onie, Ocean, Reverend_HotRod, ChimericalMe, Shannon, Stitch, and me plus someone Donzell brought whose name I don't recall.
Things were pretty mild until midnight, which is as we intended it. Then we rang in the midnight hour with Brenda taking a birthday spanking in Wyspurr's place. 27 strokes delivered by me with sadistic glee. Then Wyspurr wanted in on it, but instead of a spanking she wanted a flogging. So I gave her 27 hard lashes. I'm not a nice man. With both Brenda and Wyspurr I make the most of the 27 blows. There was apparently more flogging type fun later, but I spent that portion of the evening in the bathroom holding Brenda's hair back while she vomited. Brenda had drunk a bit much a bit fast and had to extract herself from being team molested by Onie and Kendra to hurl.
I was taken off guard by how mortified Brenda was with herself for vomiting, and the emotional meltdown that it had catalyzed. She was embarrassed about making herself sick and thought everyone was going to think badly of her for it. I forget how young and sheltered she is sometimes. She was angry with herself because she was supposed to be too smart for something like that.
Most of all, though, she cried and cried about how she hated college and didn't want to go back to Tampa. It hurt a lot, because I didn't want her to go back either but I knew she had to. If I had the choice to make and was completely selfish about it she wouldn't go back. However, I don't want her fucking up her life for me so I've been maintaining the stance of telling her to finish out the semester and if she still hates USF so much to take a break from college for a while...but do it after the semester is over so she doesn't fuck her GPA.
It really stung, though, when she'd say things like she wasn't supposed to fall in love with someone like me. She said she was supposed to fall in love with someone at graduate school with a future. Basically the same sort of things Crystal told me before she left me for the college boy she met at the Dave Matthews concert. To hear those sort of things from Brenda cut like a knife, but really weren't too surprising either. I feel a whole lot less sure of our relationship now that I know a part of her sees loving me as a burden. I don't want to be anyone's cross to bear. Unless by some miracle I actually make it as a writer, I'll never be much more than a low wage grunt. That's something I tell all the girls I'm with up front. All I have to offer is love, honor, passion, and adventurousness. If that's not enough to make loving me worthwhile, then she needs to look elsewhere.
Because she got so sick, Brenda didn't feel up to hopping on the bus at the ass crack of Sunday morning. So she stayed an extra day despite the fact it would mean missing classes. That meant she got to come with us to the Atlanta Rollergirls Fall Brawl bout. This time we left the kids with holierthancow and Shannon so Brenda and I were actually able to enjoy watching Wyspurr out there in the rink taking her lumps. I'm getting rather jaded with the Rollergirls bouts though. Things are just too sloppy and disorganized, and I've gotten to the point where I've lost any faith in the referees. Now the only reason to watch it is to see girls shove each other around, which isn't as much fun when you no longer care about the competitive angle. At this point I kind of hope Wyspurr does quit like she's been thinking of...roller derby eats up a huge amount of time and a significant amount of money for a family as poor as we are.
After the bout, we ran Brenda by the Greyhound station to reschedule her leaving. That was a hassle, but at least it went fairly quickly. Then we came back to the apartment, Wyspurr took a nap, and Brenda and I cuddled and watched Adult Swim while counting down the few hours she had left. Then Wyspurr took her to the Greyhound station on her way to work. That leaves me feeling heavy hearted.
As so it goes. A good weekend with a couple of bumps in the road.
im here for ya if you ever need to talk.
btw.. i cant see any of the pix you posted in your journal.. maybe its just me..
X
Onie