The Smittening Continues
Laputa and Brooklyn came and hung out after their show last night. It was good hanging out with them more. I forgot to mention in my last entry that Laputa gave me a painting she made me for my birthday when they were here yesterday afternoon. It is quite awesome and now proudly displayed in my livingroom where I can see it in my peripheral vision while at the computer.
Further thoughts on the object of my affections. Obviously I think about it a lot. It's not an angsty kind of thinking. It's distracting, but it's not terribly bothersome. The thing is it's not going to break my heart if she doesn't return my affections. I'm old and wise enough to not make that kind of emotional investment in someone I have no reason to expect anything in return from. Mostly I just wish I could talk to her about it without the feeling of apprehension that it might come between us being friends. I don't have any problem being friends with women I'm in love with, as Lita and Leigh can attest to. I'm capable of being mature about such things. Unfortunately, she doesn't really know me well enough to know that just because I have a strong attraction to her doesn't mean I'm not going to go all stalker creepy like a lot of guys do. Friendship is always by far my highest priority and any chance of losing that, however slim, is scary.
I am going to have to tell her, though. It would feel dishonest to do otherwise. I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. I really don't want to do it in email, because that creates the nerve wracking waiting game of wondering if she even got the email. I don't want to do it on the phone, because we don't talk to each other on the phone so it would add a whole layer of awkward. She's pretty much nonexistant on instant messenger. I don't know when or even if I'll see her again.
Laputa and Brooklyn came and hung out after their show last night. It was good hanging out with them more. I forgot to mention in my last entry that Laputa gave me a painting she made me for my birthday when they were here yesterday afternoon. It is quite awesome and now proudly displayed in my livingroom where I can see it in my peripheral vision while at the computer.
Further thoughts on the object of my affections. Obviously I think about it a lot. It's not an angsty kind of thinking. It's distracting, but it's not terribly bothersome. The thing is it's not going to break my heart if she doesn't return my affections. I'm old and wise enough to not make that kind of emotional investment in someone I have no reason to expect anything in return from. Mostly I just wish I could talk to her about it without the feeling of apprehension that it might come between us being friends. I don't have any problem being friends with women I'm in love with, as Lita and Leigh can attest to. I'm capable of being mature about such things. Unfortunately, she doesn't really know me well enough to know that just because I have a strong attraction to her doesn't mean I'm not going to go all stalker creepy like a lot of guys do. Friendship is always by far my highest priority and any chance of losing that, however slim, is scary.
I am going to have to tell her, though. It would feel dishonest to do otherwise. I just don't know how I'm going to tell her. I really don't want to do it in email, because that creates the nerve wracking waiting game of wondering if she even got the email. I don't want to do it on the phone, because we don't talk to each other on the phone so it would add a whole layer of awkward. She's pretty much nonexistant on instant messenger. I don't know when or even if I'll see her again.
witchhunter:
I hate that feeling. I have a girl that I'm really attracted to, but I know it wouldn't be a good idea to go out with her so it just sits there in the back of my mind. 