"I'm getting feelings I'm hiding too well
Something broke inside my stomach
I let the pieces lie just where they fell"
- Porcupine Tree "Open Car"
Smitten
There's a girl with whom I'm exceptionally smitten with. This isn't my normal kind of attraction. This is the kind of desire that has me burning tater tots at work because I'm off in la-la land mentally composing bad poetry about her. I've had daydreams about marrying her. How much more extreme can it get? Granted it was a marriage in a perfect world where plural marriages were socially accepted rather than a marriage where I'm dumping Wyspurr to elope with this girl. I want her to be a part of my life, not to throw away my life to start all over with her.
It's not going to happen, though. There's a huge age difference. A not quite negligible location difference. Most importantly, though, is the fact that as far as I can tell she's indifferent to me. I think she likes me okay as a person...but I'm not someone who would interest her as relationship material.
Really, though, am I anyone's type? Who, when thinking about the kind of men they'd want to get involved with goes "You know what would be great? An overweight hairy guy who is married with two kids, works in a bar, is a bisexual polyamorous hedonist swinger with a fetish for group sex, is into kinky shit like bondage, electricity, and sensorty deprivation, a love of alcohol but a distaste for most drugs besides Adderal and marijuana, is a hardcore table-top RPG nerd, writes comic books and sf&f stories, loves hiking and camping and dirty hippy stuff like that, wants to start a artist commune, is a wannabe photographer that constantly takes pictures of everyone around him, is into publishing zines, and has a huge CD collection, most of which are semi-obscure metal bands that aren't played on the radio or MTV. Yeah...that's the kind of man I want."
Granted, I do have some attractive qualities. Loyal, honest, adventurous, passionate, open minded, caring, sensitive, and good in bed. I don't play head games, nor do I toy with emotions. Somehow, these qualities alone don't seem to be enough to gain the interest of the opposite sex. So, I don't have any idea what I can do to get the attention of a woman whom I barely know and barely knows me, but whom I feel the strongest of affections for. I have a lot to give, but I've never been good at the whole packaging and marketting angle of courtship.
Something broke inside my stomach
I let the pieces lie just where they fell"
- Porcupine Tree "Open Car"
Smitten
There's a girl with whom I'm exceptionally smitten with. This isn't my normal kind of attraction. This is the kind of desire that has me burning tater tots at work because I'm off in la-la land mentally composing bad poetry about her. I've had daydreams about marrying her. How much more extreme can it get? Granted it was a marriage in a perfect world where plural marriages were socially accepted rather than a marriage where I'm dumping Wyspurr to elope with this girl. I want her to be a part of my life, not to throw away my life to start all over with her.
It's not going to happen, though. There's a huge age difference. A not quite negligible location difference. Most importantly, though, is the fact that as far as I can tell she's indifferent to me. I think she likes me okay as a person...but I'm not someone who would interest her as relationship material.
Really, though, am I anyone's type? Who, when thinking about the kind of men they'd want to get involved with goes "You know what would be great? An overweight hairy guy who is married with two kids, works in a bar, is a bisexual polyamorous hedonist swinger with a fetish for group sex, is into kinky shit like bondage, electricity, and sensorty deprivation, a love of alcohol but a distaste for most drugs besides Adderal and marijuana, is a hardcore table-top RPG nerd, writes comic books and sf&f stories, loves hiking and camping and dirty hippy stuff like that, wants to start a artist commune, is a wannabe photographer that constantly takes pictures of everyone around him, is into publishing zines, and has a huge CD collection, most of which are semi-obscure metal bands that aren't played on the radio or MTV. Yeah...that's the kind of man I want."
Granted, I do have some attractive qualities. Loyal, honest, adventurous, passionate, open minded, caring, sensitive, and good in bed. I don't play head games, nor do I toy with emotions. Somehow, these qualities alone don't seem to be enough to gain the interest of the opposite sex. So, I don't have any idea what I can do to get the attention of a woman whom I barely know and barely knows me, but whom I feel the strongest of affections for. I have a lot to give, but I've never been good at the whole packaging and marketting angle of courtship.