"It's funny how things work out,
the ones we need don't know we're there,
If I were sand and you were oceans,
the moon would be why you're pulled to me"
- Armor For Sleep "Dream to Make Believe"
Phantoms Now
Yes, I'm quoting lyrics by an emo band. Sue me. I just bought this CD today out of the used bin at Criminal Records and it was worth it for that verse alone. So well does it capture the essense of one of the greatest sources of frustration in my life.
Anyway, I don't really have much to say. I'm just killing time before Wyspurr wakes up so I can snuggle her a bit before she goes to work and I go to sleep. I didn't get a chance to when Wyspurr went to bed because Rachael was being stubborn about getting to sleep and by the time I got the child to stay in bed Wyspurr was sound asleep so I chatted away with Onie into the wee hours.
I'm really looking forward to going up to Asheville next weekend. It's somewhat depressing circumstances...the scattering of Daniel's ashes...but the change in scenery might do me some good. I'm hoping to be able to spend the entire weekend up there to try to get a little face time with folks I miss in the area, few that they are these days. I especially want to see Leigh, even if it's just long enough for a hello, a hug, and a goodbye. So much is shared between us in our hugs and I could probably use some of that uplifting energy to help me make it through the spreading of the ashes without becoming a gibbering mess like I did when I eulogized at his wake.
Goddess, I miss him so much. I wonder if it will ever stop hurting like hell. I'd give my eyes to be able to hear his voice. So often do I find myself needing the council of someone who understands me as he did. If it weren't for having holierthancow here, my other best friend, I think I'd be half as sane as I am with how much Daniel's passing weighs on me. God, I loved him so. I almost can't wait to die just so I can find him wherever his soul is then give him a great big hug and a firm kick in the ass.
Fuck...the birds are starting to chirp. Friday is here and I've wasted pretty much the whole week. I did make progress on the new web page and got a little writing done, but not nearly as much as I should have. I keep getting so preoccupied with other shit. If I'd just tune out the world I'd get so much done, but lately I'm so hungry for human contact. Some affection and affirmation. Desperate, even.
It's twisted...half of me is really happy and content and wants for nothing...but the other half of me pines for something that I've not been able to find neither high nor low. It's not negating my ability to function and be generally happy, but it's a distracting itch that keeps me from concentrating too hard on my long term aspirations. It makes sense really...since a key part of my long term aspirations involve an expanded family, my inability to find someone to even date is somewhat troublesome. You have to take a step before walking the mile...and that first step is proving the hardest to take.
the ones we need don't know we're there,
If I were sand and you were oceans,
the moon would be why you're pulled to me"
- Armor For Sleep "Dream to Make Believe"
Phantoms Now
Yes, I'm quoting lyrics by an emo band. Sue me. I just bought this CD today out of the used bin at Criminal Records and it was worth it for that verse alone. So well does it capture the essense of one of the greatest sources of frustration in my life.
Anyway, I don't really have much to say. I'm just killing time before Wyspurr wakes up so I can snuggle her a bit before she goes to work and I go to sleep. I didn't get a chance to when Wyspurr went to bed because Rachael was being stubborn about getting to sleep and by the time I got the child to stay in bed Wyspurr was sound asleep so I chatted away with Onie into the wee hours.
I'm really looking forward to going up to Asheville next weekend. It's somewhat depressing circumstances...the scattering of Daniel's ashes...but the change in scenery might do me some good. I'm hoping to be able to spend the entire weekend up there to try to get a little face time with folks I miss in the area, few that they are these days. I especially want to see Leigh, even if it's just long enough for a hello, a hug, and a goodbye. So much is shared between us in our hugs and I could probably use some of that uplifting energy to help me make it through the spreading of the ashes without becoming a gibbering mess like I did when I eulogized at his wake.
Goddess, I miss him so much. I wonder if it will ever stop hurting like hell. I'd give my eyes to be able to hear his voice. So often do I find myself needing the council of someone who understands me as he did. If it weren't for having holierthancow here, my other best friend, I think I'd be half as sane as I am with how much Daniel's passing weighs on me. God, I loved him so. I almost can't wait to die just so I can find him wherever his soul is then give him a great big hug and a firm kick in the ass.
Fuck...the birds are starting to chirp. Friday is here and I've wasted pretty much the whole week. I did make progress on the new web page and got a little writing done, but not nearly as much as I should have. I keep getting so preoccupied with other shit. If I'd just tune out the world I'd get so much done, but lately I'm so hungry for human contact. Some affection and affirmation. Desperate, even.
It's twisted...half of me is really happy and content and wants for nothing...but the other half of me pines for something that I've not been able to find neither high nor low. It's not negating my ability to function and be generally happy, but it's a distracting itch that keeps me from concentrating too hard on my long term aspirations. It makes sense really...since a key part of my long term aspirations involve an expanded family, my inability to find someone to even date is somewhat troublesome. You have to take a step before walking the mile...and that first step is proving the hardest to take.