Morose Musings
January 8, 2005, Saturday, 12:10pm
I just got out of work. Today pretty much sucked. We were really busy and there was a lot of extra side work. it is over now, though, and I can relax.
I realized this morning that I'm losing touch with my love of people. I've been exceptionally bitter lately. I feel angry and betrayed by humanity. I used to afford everyone, even my adversaries, a certain measure of respect. Now I half wish the rate of death in the world would accelerate exponentially. Becoming instant vapor at ground zero of a nuclear strike has a certain appeal. It isn't that I want to die. Far from it. I just want the world to end and if I have to go with it then I'd prefer my annihilation to be instant.
I'm not sure why I feel so hateful. It has just been these past couple of days that I've felt that I may as well become a hermit. I just want some comfort and the world has none. I don't belong here. My only deep joy is my children, who move me near to tears with their radiance. It tears me up that one day the world will break them.
January 8, 2005, Saturday, 12:10pm
I just got out of work. Today pretty much sucked. We were really busy and there was a lot of extra side work. it is over now, though, and I can relax.
I realized this morning that I'm losing touch with my love of people. I've been exceptionally bitter lately. I feel angry and betrayed by humanity. I used to afford everyone, even my adversaries, a certain measure of respect. Now I half wish the rate of death in the world would accelerate exponentially. Becoming instant vapor at ground zero of a nuclear strike has a certain appeal. It isn't that I want to die. Far from it. I just want the world to end and if I have to go with it then I'd prefer my annihilation to be instant.
I'm not sure why I feel so hateful. It has just been these past couple of days that I've felt that I may as well become a hermit. I just want some comfort and the world has none. I don't belong here. My only deep joy is my children, who move me near to tears with their radiance. It tears me up that one day the world will break them.