Pain, Friendship, and A Child's Love
Slowly but surely things are moving into place. Theres still so much to do, but were making definite, measurable progress. I just wish a toothache, which has made it very difficult to do anything, wasnt tormenting me. I got a couple of decent projects done, in the form of cleaning up the courtyard and moving the bookshelf and filling it with my disturbingly large Dungeons & Dragons collection. However, when I tried to do anything more complicated than moving things around and throwing shit away I just couldnt concentrate on it until I finally passed out from sheer exhaustion.
After sleeping about four hours my tooth felt better. It still hurts, but not so bad that I have to fight the urge to pull it out myself. Unfortunately, its a wisdom tooth and too far back the get a good grip on anyway. I would have set about getting more things done then, but Brenda called and talking to her was more important than doing anything productive since Im not going to be able to talk to her much over the course of the weekend.
Wyspurr and I watched Ethan for Onie for a couple of hours until Lauren just picked him up. He was really good and had a great time with Destiny and Rachael and they had a great time with him. If I didnt have to go to work so damned early in the morning I wouldnt have minded watching him longer.
I love watching kids play together. It makes me long for the days of innocence and openness of youth. Puberty fucks everything up for humans socially. When sexual politics start getting involved, you get a bunch of needless nonsense and divisiveness. I cant count the number of friends Ive lost solely to the imaginings of someone that I had designs on them or their significant other. Its ridiculous. I have a hard time figuring out how to tell someone Im really interested in hanging out with them and getting to know them without it being assumed that I mean know in the biblical sense. It doesnt help that it seems like more than half the people in the world are more interested in sex than friendship. I love both and while I like to combine them as much as possible Ive no trouble at all appreciating them quite separately.
Speaking of kids, despite the fact that I was in a great deal of pain I had an excellent time with Rachael this morning. She was so well behaved and she helped me with the cleaning up, so after we were done we played. There was one really heartbreaking moment though, as we were having a great time and had been listening to music in the bedroom and dancing. I had shut the bedroom door to keep the music from bothering Mark and Rachael fussed about it. I explained that if she needed out, just let me know and Id open it for her. I had forgot to tell her if she needed back in to let me know and Id open it for her. So when I let her out to get some toys from her room, I shut the door behind her. She took it the wrong way and started bawling, yelling in such voice of pained anger Fine! I wont play with you anymore! that it was like a razorblade across my heart. I sat her down, apologizing profusely and explaining that I hadnt meant to make her feel shut out. I know all too well what it feels like to feel like someone you love has just snubbed you. Im sure for a three year old its ten times worse.
Slowly but surely things are moving into place. Theres still so much to do, but were making definite, measurable progress. I just wish a toothache, which has made it very difficult to do anything, wasnt tormenting me. I got a couple of decent projects done, in the form of cleaning up the courtyard and moving the bookshelf and filling it with my disturbingly large Dungeons & Dragons collection. However, when I tried to do anything more complicated than moving things around and throwing shit away I just couldnt concentrate on it until I finally passed out from sheer exhaustion.
After sleeping about four hours my tooth felt better. It still hurts, but not so bad that I have to fight the urge to pull it out myself. Unfortunately, its a wisdom tooth and too far back the get a good grip on anyway. I would have set about getting more things done then, but Brenda called and talking to her was more important than doing anything productive since Im not going to be able to talk to her much over the course of the weekend.
Wyspurr and I watched Ethan for Onie for a couple of hours until Lauren just picked him up. He was really good and had a great time with Destiny and Rachael and they had a great time with him. If I didnt have to go to work so damned early in the morning I wouldnt have minded watching him longer.
I love watching kids play together. It makes me long for the days of innocence and openness of youth. Puberty fucks everything up for humans socially. When sexual politics start getting involved, you get a bunch of needless nonsense and divisiveness. I cant count the number of friends Ive lost solely to the imaginings of someone that I had designs on them or their significant other. Its ridiculous. I have a hard time figuring out how to tell someone Im really interested in hanging out with them and getting to know them without it being assumed that I mean know in the biblical sense. It doesnt help that it seems like more than half the people in the world are more interested in sex than friendship. I love both and while I like to combine them as much as possible Ive no trouble at all appreciating them quite separately.
Speaking of kids, despite the fact that I was in a great deal of pain I had an excellent time with Rachael this morning. She was so well behaved and she helped me with the cleaning up, so after we were done we played. There was one really heartbreaking moment though, as we were having a great time and had been listening to music in the bedroom and dancing. I had shut the bedroom door to keep the music from bothering Mark and Rachael fussed about it. I explained that if she needed out, just let me know and Id open it for her. I had forgot to tell her if she needed back in to let me know and Id open it for her. So when I let her out to get some toys from her room, I shut the door behind her. She took it the wrong way and started bawling, yelling in such voice of pained anger Fine! I wont play with you anymore! that it was like a razorblade across my heart. I sat her down, apologizing profusely and explaining that I hadnt meant to make her feel shut out. I know all too well what it feels like to feel like someone you love has just snubbed you. Im sure for a three year old its ten times worse.
also the cruxshadows have not been asked back to dragoncon and rogue is really worrried about it. so he's asked everyone to email dragoncon and tell them how much you want to see them there next year. a whole bunch of shit happened last year and someone in charge made a comment that there needs to be a chance for other bands to play. grrrr.... so yeah. the email address is dragoncon@dragoncon.org