vampsinthe78

I feel it's only right I do a quick update with a little tale of surreal events in the leafy suburbs of Stockport....

I was heading over to the small hill town of Hazel Grove at the foot of the Pennines to fix my mates computer. It happens from time to time and I have a knack of being able to think in exactly the same retarded way as Win98..

I was due to leave for a night in the pub we frequent in Manchester and as my 'date' (haha, yeah greg whatever) had crapped out at the last minute I wasn't feeling up to the trek in myself so invited Mike (computer guy). I commented on how lucky Mike was to live in such a picturesque village whereas I languished in the shithole which is Salford. He said "Dunno about that, here be hillbillys.. beware..."

As he says this, a kid, no more than 8 years old splits off from his group of amigos and crosses to our side of the road. The kid looks like an aborigine 'Eddie Munster'. He strides up to me and points accusingly...

HIM: You Owe me Seven grand...

ME: What?

HIM : 7000, dickhead and I want it NOW..

ME: You're NOT making any sense kid, fuck off!! (inverts hand, makes into claw shape and shakes it towards him)

HIM: You're taking the piss aren't you..?
If I don't get my money I'm gonna get the [1] Gooch Gang on you... They're going to put your brain on a fucking stick.

ME: HEARTY LAUGH You don't know the Gooch gang, even if you did they'd get anihillated by (scans brain for matching town/collective combo) the 'Eccles Executioners'* who I know..

HIM: You'll be laughing on the other side of your face later mate.. I swear down, you're going to get leathered... I can't believe you're not scared!

ME: Shut it cock-knocker before I give you a slap.. Walks off, laughing in disbelief.

HIM: A torrent of verbal abuse fading off into the distance.

Not too long after I actually spent a good half an hour concerned the 'Gooch Gang' REALLY were after me.. Does anyone else have tales of irrational thoughts quite as ludicrous as that? Can anyone top the "how cheeky are the little pip-squeaks of today are turning"?

I doubt I would have had a problem giving someone of my own age that amount of vebal at the age of 8, but an ADULT you have never met before???
I don't know, the kids of today.. grumble etc...


Anyway, thats quite enough of that bollocks.. Im off to bed.

Love ya all... x

[1] An actual street called Gooch Close in Mosside, Manchester. Once where the drug lords and criminal underbelly lived before the mass purge in the early 90s. Now a home for the smack addicts and destitute of South Mcr.

* Not a real gang, A figment of greg's overactive imagination. Delivered with wit and bravado.