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vacio

Blink and youll miss it.

Hopeful Since 2008

Followers 721 Following 421

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Monday Jan 26, 2009

Jan 26, 2009
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I am so freaking tired. I got a phonecall this morning informing me i would need to get up and do the early shift at work as the girl who was suppose to do it is ill. So i got a whole 3 hours sleep. I dont know how i do it, i operate off no sleep and no food. Im magical perhaps. Im sure it will catch up on me.

Anyway i had a crazy weekend. Friday night it was one of my neices 17th birthdays. So i went to her place for a bit, smoked a bit with my nephew for the first time (ha) and then went to the pub where my brothers band was playing.
Saturday night was awesome. Best time ive had in a looong time. Got drunk off gin, and smoked a fair bit of green.
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VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
jozsef:
It's pretty reasonable to suggest that your situation is different from non-anorexics' and thereby potentially mysterious to others. The thing is, when you spend a few decades studying how humans perceive the world, what drives us and how perceptions are formed and experienced, the patterns of our relationship with our surroundings and ourselves become clear and anorexia fits very nicely into that structure and no longer seems bizarre or mysterious. You are absolutely right when you refer to programming. I love my life these days because by learning about that programming, I know how we can add to it when we choose to. Also keep in mind that I was down to zero body fat in university yet saw a guy in the mirror who might look acceptable if he lost a couple of kilos. My eating disorders will always be there but I'm not their slave and I know I don't have an illness. We all have many choices but seldom recognize them. I was lucky and met the right people in addition to investing much time, so passing on that luck seems like the best thing in the world to me. I'd like you to be here till your appointment next week at least. kiss love
Jan 28, 2009
jozsef:
The differences there are between male and female brains are reasonably well documented and rather smaller than had been believed. Much early conditioning goes into encouraging all of us to suppress certain ideas and feelings in this regard so that we can be "normal" boys and girls. I think you've seen through a lot of that and avoided it in your own life, actually.

You're an adult now, so you can go where you like and do what you wish. I don't see how you can be put in the hospital if you don't want to be, which means that you can listen to the creature at your leisure and decide for yourself. You know that if I had to choose, I would rather you picked a hospital for a bit than a coffin for eternity, and if it were possible, I would go into the hospital in your stead while you went on a nice holiday.

I remember being a toothpick and feeling quite comfy during 45 degree Celsius weather when everyone else was gasping for breath. That, of course, was the upside. We're having more heavy snow and cold, so I'm staying in and fondling my mouse. I'm also looking into cutting edge nutrition to have more energy, and making a bit more money so I can travel, perhaps. (hint) wink kiss
Jan 28, 2009

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