v8dreaming

i've often wondered what my last thoughts are before i fall asleep, but i can never remember.
i wonder where those are kept. in what part of my brain are they hidden away.
i came to the conclusion a long time ago that we never lose our memories. they are always there, tucked away.
but, each memory has a path. the more time passes without us walking that path to a certain memory, it kind of grows over. it's still there, just harder to find. i've had alot of paths grow over in my life. some i'm glad i'll never travel again. some i wish i could remember the way to. i know the path to so many trivial things and yet i've lost the way to so many important ones.

i'm learning to appreciate this life that i have. understanding more as time passes that in the grand scheme of things
certain things are irrelevant. in fact most "things" are. the most important is being. feeling. pain, love, happiness. all of it. it's life. i'm learning to let go of what used to make me angry. i feel happiness in my heart more each day and it almost brings me to tears to think about all i've missed. i realize that i don't actually "hate" anything. i may not like it, but i don't hate it. i don't understand everything. never will. but, i do know this.
this life is a test. that is the meaning. that's all there is. it's not about how much stuff you have or how much money or any of that. it's about how you live. and how you live will determine if you pass or fail.

there you have it. a bit of me that i never show to most people.


"embrace this joy, this pain.
don't miss this chance.
it will not come again.
you mean more than you may ever know.
don't linger where the moss slowly grows."

tiger army