v0rge

This world has defeated me
I can not fight anymore
My sanity left me a long time ago
My heart was emptied of love
And filled with pain
Life has no meaning for me
Love is an empty word
This is an empty world
I hide my feelings and my pain
I fight keep everything inside
I have no one to talk to
No shoulders to cry on
I had a dream of starting a family
And I chose to abort it
I live with that pain, facing it every day
My pain is not hidden from me
It is shoved in my face every day
Now all I dream of is an end to the pain
And end to this life
This world has defeated me
And I do not care

I am sitting here typing this crying my eyes out. Have you ever seen a 6'3" 330lb man cry? It is quite a site. I can not deal with the decisions I have made in the past anymore. I have tried councling and drugs, neithor help. I had a chance for happiness, even if i would have been poor, i would have been happy to be with my love and with my child, but in panic I made the decision to abort my child and it is a pain i have suffered with for too long. I thought I would have another chance, to be more prepared, I never got that chance.