utopiate

Its weird; we constantly strive to annihilate that which means most to us and when I say we of course I mean I. My mind constantly questions and second guesses peoples motivations, attempting to crack their code and decipher their reasoning.

Its like I move without deliberation, propelled by my own non malicious curiosity to what I might find. My best logic tells me not to though; it screams inside the hallowed halls of my mind and tells me I might not enjoy what I find. Any misery or heart ache I find once I nourish my curiosity is of my own accord and Ive warranted it all with my distrust.

So I act on my instincts.

And they were right; I see something I hadnt prepared myself for. I see what I had held to believe was the unfeasible, and I feel it, churning from the deepest pit of my stomach and attacking my heart with an unreasonable amount of cruelty. I feel it and I know the feeling all too well, its killing me. The darkness envelopes my heart and causes its slow decent to decay.

It wilts when held by the cold breast of death. My heart slowly arches downwards preparing for its collapse, pulling itself from the stem and withering its petals. Then when the lifeless weight is too much for the stem to support, it drops, in an instant and slowly glides downward to the distant soil below; and it lands gently and rots back into the earth until, one day the sun breaks the clouds and gives it the strength to grow again.



The moral of the story is to never check your girlfriends email; you most likely wont enjoy what you find inside.

Its 12:30 pm and Im shoveling a forkful of spicy noodles in to my dry but satisfied mouth. I dont feel so well inside today. I had a very odd, but enjoyable dream last night that Im having a sizeable amount of trouble interpreting. My day his half gone and I woke up only an hour ago. Im deliberating on taking some photos today and maybe going for a swim.

Later gator.

- John